Rockwell Relay - Glorious End

During leg 7 (there were 8 legs of the ride), Joy had a mechanical problem. Her tire blew a hole in it. I'm not sure how long she had to wait for our support vehicle to show up, but she had given us a heads up that it might blow so I was anxious to get going  from the pit stop that we made. We all got out and helped her put a new tire on. Within a few hundred feet the second tire blew the side wall.

 I quickly got out of the van and offered to finish her leg. Within a few minutes I was off.

As I rode to the top of the hill, I kept telling myself to prove what I as made of. I felt like I had failed the team in my second leg because I had allowed myself to be under fueled. It was now my time to redeem myself. I made good time up the 1.66 mile climb. As I reached the summit, Joy was standing outside of her car offering to finish the leg for me. I declined. I told her that the beauty of working so hard on an ascent is the descent that comes after. I felt so bad for her. I could understand how she must be feeling, but I also knew that I had worked hard, and I need to prove to my team, and to myself that I could be strong.

Climbing...

Joy offering me some energy chews.

I ended up riding just over 15 miles on this leg. When I arrived at the exchange, my rider wasn't around. We yelled for our team number and she came out of the crowd to take the bracelet and finish.

Hilary leaving for the final leg.

Hilary kicking butt. She was so much farther than we had expected.

Joy found a bike shop in Heber, UT and got a new tire. We really wanted to finish together. We thought that we would reach our next rider early on in her leg, but she kicked some butt and it took us a while to find her. Once we did find her, we all jumped out of the car and took our bikes off the rack and finished the remaining 8 miles with her.

One last pic before the finish

We figure we lost an hour with the mechanical problem. That hour allowed a LOT of teams to pass us. Through it though we formed a bond with each other that we wouldn't have formed had that not happened. Rides like these are not about just one person. They are about pulling together as a team and stepping up to the plate when you need to.

Joy - complete Joy

Rockwell Relay - Dead Center

Me, Hilary, and KM ready waiting for Joy.

It was a lot of fun being in the vehicle and cheering on the team. We found that it was best to cheer on for the first half of the leg, and then go on to the next exchange so that we could prepare ourselves for the next leg.

Superhero Joy. Always making us laugh.

By noonish I was back on the road. I made the mistake of not fueling my body enough. That coupled with the heat, and a very strong headwind, my next leg of 16.4 miles was brutal. The wind was so bad on the back of the mountain that there was no relief on the descents. I had to constantly pedal. By mile 11, I was starving. Luckily Joy, my teammate, gave me some CHOMPS to eat before I left. I really didn't think I would need them as the leg was only 16 miles, but I'm forever grateful that she gave them to me. Typically, you eat one gooey goodness every hour. I was hungry enough and out of enough energy that I ate six of the dang things within just a few minutes.

Waiting for Hilary to meet me at Exchange 4, my second leg

Notice the deer on the side of the road. It scared the crap out of me.

SO glad to be finished! 

The next leg of the race was an out and back leg. They would not allow the cars to go and support our riders so we were at that rest stop until our rider returned. We hung out and talked and ate chocolate-dipped cinnamon bears and strawberries. Since it was a 'pamperfest' there were two massage therapists there. (Not quite enough for the crowd)  I got in the line, but it was so long that I hopped out of it. I think that time was some of my favorite. I really enjoyed getting to know the women on my team.

Rockwell Relay - The Beginning.

This past weekend I was invited to participate in the Rockwell Relay Pamperfest. A friend that I have made through cycling had won a team entry and she ended up sick.

I have to admit, I was a little giddy when she asked me to ride. I wanted to put a team together, but I was so busy at the end of June, I didn't have time to put anything together. I just figured I'd hold off until next year.

We had a team meeting on Tuesday July 5th. We decided who would ride which legs, what time we would meet, etc. We all thought it would be best to sleep in our own beds and drive up early Saturday morning to the Snowbasin ski resort in Ogden. Of course I didn't sleep that well the night before the ride, and my stomach was in knots all morning as I was the team member that was going to start us off.

The team before the start
L-R - Joy, Hilary, KM, Myrinda, Me

Our ride was 168 miles of some of the most beautiful country I have ever seen. I had no idea that Utah had so much beauty just north of me. We went from mountainous beauty to lush green hillsides to massive walls of red rock. We passed reservoir, after reservoir, after reservoir. It was absolutely beautiful.

My first leg of the relay was 22.22 miles. We began by circling the parking lot of the Snowbasin resort twice and then a climb out of the resort. We descended Trappers Loop and that allowed me to be FAST. I got going 42 mph going down the hill.

The First Descent

My phrase on this leg - "on your left".  I started at the front of the pack and after the first circle around the parking lot I had dropped back to the back of the pack. The road was damp from the sprinklers and there was a little gravel. I was a little nervous and took the loops with caution. As we left the parking lot, we all began the first climb of the day. I looked up ahead and there were probably 20 or so ladies in front of me. I felt really, really slow, but as the minutes began to pass, I began to pass those women. There were very few that I didn't pass on the climb and I felt great. I pushed myself and played leap frog with a girl several times. By the end of the leg she said to me "You pass me on every single hill!" I smiled and said, "Yeah, but you pass me on every single descent." She laughed and said "That's because I'm heavier and that makes the descents faster." We both rode near each other for the last 2 miles and finished within seconds of each other.

We had fun in the van cheering on the rest of our team. We would drive next to our rider and honk our horn in a funny way. I actually loved that because I knew when I heard that sound, it was my ladies behind me cheering me on.

Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

Yesterday I experienced my first-ever all women's ride. I've never been an all women's anything type of person. When Brett and I were looking at the calendar for our rides this summer, I decided that I wanted to do the Little Red Riding Hood ride that begins near Logan, UT.  (About 3 hours away)

I had heard about the ride. Brett was planning to do other rides, and the ULCER that we did last year together falls on the same day that Sydney is going to be baptized. So, I stalked the Little Red blog for weeks. They finally posted when they thought registration would open up, so I put a reminder on my phone to check the registration page daily. The day finally came and they opened registration. I sat at the computer until the clock turned over to noon and I tried to register. The link was down. :(

I looked them up on Facebook and someone there said that the link on Active.com was live so I hurried over and registered. I'm glad I did as registration filled in less than 24 hours.

Over the course of a few months, I took a few bike rides. The weather in UT has been less than inviting for a bike with skinny tires. Plus, I'm lazy, so I didn't make it out as much as I should have, but I rode in conditions that I never have before, so I'd like to say I evened myself out :).

We traveled to Brigham City on Friday night after we attended a bee class. Our hotel was a dive, but it was a place to sleep. After a horrible night's sleep, we were up at 5:15am to shower and get ready to make the hour drive to Lewiston, UT.

We met a group of ladies from our neck of the woods at their hotel at 6:30am. After filling my water bottles and using the facilities, we headed to the start line.

By 7:30 am we were on the road. I forgot to hit the start button on my watch for the first two minutes of the ride. I'm glad that I had the thought to check it so early on as I like to know how far I've gone, etc.

Right before the starting bell

Shortly after the 14-mile rest stop, (I guessed around mile 20 or so) we came upon a set of railroad tracks. I had latched myself onto a woman and we were getting to know each other. As we went across the tracks, I hit them at a wrong angle and I hit the pavement. Nice. I quickly got up and my new friend turned around and made sure I was ok. Thankfully, I was ok, but I now have a cracked helmet that will have to be replaced and have road rash that is less than pleasant.

We were able to join a group and ride for quite some time. It was really nice to get a break from having to ride like we were. I rode with my new friend Cecilia until shortly after the lunch stop at mile 55 where I could no longer keep her cadence and told her to go ahead.

Me at about mile 40 - after the wreck

I rode alone for about 20 miles. It was a miserable part of the ride for me. My negative self talk tends to get the best of me. I am usually a strong rider on hills, but not that day. Every hill seemed to take the wind out of my sails. By the time I hit the rest stop at mile 78, I was ready to be done. I sent Brett a text message and told him where I was and that I was struggling. He called me and told me to hang in there and he let the kids cheer me on through my voicemail. Not long after that I heard a lady say - "Hey, if you're coming, now's the time. We have a train." I looked up and a huge group of women started to get their bikes ready. I knew that if I was going to finish the race at a decent pace, I needed to jump on the back of that train.

I kept my distance for a while as I didn't know these women and I didn't want them to be upset that I was drafting off of them. I finally got the courage to ask one of the women if it was ok if I rode with their group. She was gracious and she said yes. It wasn't too long after that that I actually dropped her and scooted up and asked another woman if I could ride with them. I spent the next 20 miles with that group, and I was grateful for the relief. I worked really hard, but they were riding so fast that I was never able to take my turn at the front. For that I am very sorry.

(Me just minutes before the finish line. I was busting my butt and I had no idea these ladies were behind me.)

I finished the ride in 5 hours 37 minutes and some seconds (can't remember how many). My average time was 17.5 mph. It was a great day.

Me at the finish line

The Road Rash - Notice the pavement that is now a part of the uniform

My Knee. Strangely it has looked like this before :(

I learned a few lessons that day.

1. Take pain medications on the road with you. (Thanks to the lady that stopped and gave me some when I hit the pavement)
2. Our bodies can do amazing things.
3. If I want to be the one pulling on the rides, I need to be more consistent in my training. My new goal is to be that person.
4. You can still be fat and ride 100 miles. Even with all of the training I have done, my body is not where I want it to be.
5. Having a supportive family means everything.

6. I am a cyclist now. It is in my blood.

The Big Bad Wolf - He rocked!

Wash Your Face

Yesterday I asked Ryan to shower and wash his face. Later in the day I had taken him out with me and I looked over at him and noticed that his face was still dirty. Our conversation then went something like this:

Me - Ryan, did you shower today?

Ryan - Yes.

Me - Did you wash your face?

Ryan - No.

Me - Why?

Ryan - Well, because I didn't want to wash my butt and then wash my face.

Me - Nice.

Sharks!!!

We got a new computer recently and last night I was browsing the different applications and came across this video. Soooo funny!

Women's Conference - Day Two - Sister Beck

SIster Julie B. Beck, Relief Society General President opened the Second Day of Women's conference. As always she was wonderful. Here are my notes from her words.

Identity can only be made known by a spiritual confirmation.
Women are the guardians of the hearth of the home
Non-negotiable responsibilities - Mother, Sister, Aunt, Daughter, Wife

Am I aligned with the vision the Lord has for me?

We do not get a pass to the responsibilities that we were given.

When I remember the Savior's sacrifice, I remember "Who owes who?"

Relief Society, when functioned properly is Charity
Charity requires repentance and change. We should be seeking charity always -- it is more than benevolence, it is becoming like our Savior.

Faith that he will fulfill every promise.
Faith is how the Lord heals us
Faith is possible

We should never confuse the holder of the priesthood with the priesthood. The priesthood is the power of God.

Sisters and brothers have the same ordinances and covenants to help us to return to our Heavenly Father.

Go to the temple and pay attention. - Look - feel - learn - pay attention

Help our home be blessed by the strength of priesthood power.

Female identity - to know that I am a Child of God. It is an expectation to live so that I can qualify for God's presence.

Charity Never Faileth = The Atonement in action

The companionship of the Holy Ghost should be our strength and our goal.

Rather than plan for a product, prepare for the Lord's plan for me

In the end it will be ok. If it's not ok, it's not the end :)

If you want to have a good experience, go after it.

Women's Conference - Day One Sister Dalton and ???

Well, here I am almost a month later and I have forgotten who spoke these wonderful words so I cannot give them the proper credit. I want this information documented though, so here it is anyway.

------------

• It is better to please God than to please others. Our rewards for pleasing God are peace, joy and love. Our rewards for pleasing others are status and superiority. None of which last.
• If we are having a hard time feeling at love with ourselves, keeping the commandments will boost our confidence.
• As if principle - Treat them as if they are our own best friend.
• Feelings of faith promote faithful behavior.
• Love ourselves as much as we love our neighbors.
• True greatness requires noticing and then doing something about it.
• Quantity and Quality of our love for the Lord should be our yardstick by which we measure ourselves.

----------------

Sister Elaine S Dalton

Sister Dalton is one of my favorite speakers. She too spoke of the importance of our identity. She said

• When we understand our identity, it defines all that we do.
• Charity is there because Christ is there
• Reach out and light up the life of a young woman
• Winners help others succeed. We can change lives.
• Recognize that each one is doing their best
• What matters more in life is not winning for ourselves, but helping someone else win

Women's Conference - Day One, Sister Dibb and Sister Cook

My second break-out session of day one was called "The Joy of Womanhood". I'll admit it to the world - I have a self image problem. I truly don't see what others claim to see. I wanted to go to a session that might give me some insight as to how I can stop the cycle I am in and not pass it on to my own daughter.

Sister Dibb and Sister Cook are counselors on the Young Women's General board.They both gave wonderful talks. Sister Dibb collects obituaries. The overall topic of her talk was "I want to leave a legacy. How will they remember me? She spoke of many obituaries that she has read over the years. Some of those were people were inspiring -- people you would want our life to be remembered just like. Others were sad, feeling like a life almost wasted. She said "We do not control when we leave this life. We must prepare every day to live with our Father in Heaven." I was very touched by her remarks. Having had the experience of helping to write an obituary myself, I really self-reflected and hope that if I were to die tomorrow, my obituary would touch the life of someone.

Sister Cook spoke of how we become women of God. She said that we must first know our identity. Second have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and third set a good example.

She said that the best way we can teach our young women is for us to know our own identity. I'm working on that. Of course I know I am a daughter of God. I know it. I just sometimes wonder if it pertains to me, like somehow I'm the one who is exempt from those blessings.

She said that there is danger in neglecting prayer. We were encouraged again, like the young women of the church are encouraged.to do three things 100% of the time:

Pray morning & evening
Read 5 minutes from the scriptures every day
Obey the commandments
Smile

She then taught that "even in our weakness, the Spirit comes from our Father.

She admonished us to make it a priority to be still, and taught that our examples do matter.She also said that "We should not deprive our Savior of helping us become who we should become."

Geologic Time

The other day we were talking to Sydney about her orthodontic work. We had just come from the orthodontist and we were talking about the plans. Two weeks prior, Ryan had gone to the orthodontist and he said he wanted to wait 18 months before we do any more work on Ryan.

Ryan was whining to Sydney about how soon he was going to have to have braces on. I said "Ryan, you have a long time.."

His reply, "Not in geologic time."

"Geologic time?"

"Yeah, you know how long it takes a rock to form? A mountain? In geologic time, 18 months isn't a long time."

Of course.

Women's Conference - Day One, John and Kim Bytheway

I wasn't sure that I would attend the session that John Bytheway taught, but I am glad that I made the decision to go. I ran across campus and arrived in the Smith Field House before about 3300 other people. I realized that I probably didn't have to run like it did, but the building was expected to fill to capacity (3500 people).

The topic of this session was on Covenants. They posed three questions and then answered them.

1. How can we keep our covenants in sight every day?
- God is all about freedom
- Satan is all about bondage
- Put a picture of the temple in every room.
- Put reminders of your covenants everywhere - pictures of Christ on the wall, pictures of the temple, scriptures out in the open to be used frequently.

They told of a family member who often told her kids as they walked out the door "Remember who you are". One particular day their teenage son was leaving with his friends and his little sibling (can't remember if it was a boy or girl) yelled out the door "Don't forget your name!" :)

They said "If our children see a lesser version of ourselves Monday-Friday, we cannot expect them to be different"

We watched a video from the April 2003 General Conference. It was Elder Holland's talk entitled "A Prayer for the Children"


We were admonished to Keep the Covenants that our children know we have made. Do they know we have made covenants?


2. What activities move us closer to our coventants?

With whom have I made my covenants.?"I have not made a covenant with ESPN, TV, INTERNET, SIBLINGS, PARENTS, etc."
Any activity that brings us closer to our family is a covenant activity.
Pray for spiritual eyes to see those in need

3. How can we look to our covenants to find strength?
"No matter what, I will not leave him"  They told a story of a young boy who had been having some trouble with behavior at school. The teacher, in response to his behavior, gave him a project that was due the next day. It was a lengthy project and it caused a lot of stress for the young boy. The parents were at their wits end. The mom sent all of the kids, and her husband away and she stayed with her son until the project was finished. When she ascended the stairs, her husband asked how she could possibly help him and she said "I don't know, I just said to myself - No matter what, I will not leave him."
The Lord is the same with us. He never leaves us no matter what.
They taught to use what they called the "vertical dimension" (prayer)

Pray in the morning for the Spirit. When temptations come, or when situations are trying -- pray again and really picture the Spirit of the Lord being right there.

Covenants are power!

At the end of the session, though they were out of time, they posed the question "How do we find strength from our covenants when our children are struggling?" They then recommended that we read "Our Moral Environment" by Elder Boyd K. Packer. I haven't done that yet, but I plan to.

Women's Conference - Day One, Morning Session

This week I had the opportunity to attend BYU's Women's Conference. I am grateful to my husband for making his time available so that I could attend this 'fill my cup' event. I always learn so much from Women's Conference. This year was no exception. Hopefully my notes will be helpful to some.

Sister Virginia H. Pearce (President Hinckley's daughter) spoke in the opening session. She is just as lovely as her parents were. She spoke of prayer and how it is essential in our lives. Prayer, she said is a basic religious ritual that spans throughout all time, and all religions. Prayer rests on the principle of faith and is an expression of our agency. We choose whether or not we pray.

She spoke of the trials that we all must face. She related the year that President Hinckley passed away. She said that they spent a long time going through her parent's stuff, and dividing it up among the family. They moved, and moved boxes. Her husband retired from being a physician that year and they moved more and more boxes. They planned to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints together and they arranged to rent their home, so they moved even more boxes into their rapidly filling basement. During this time her husband began having symptoms that were less than pleasant. He visited a doctor and tests were run. He was diagnosed with a fatal illness that took his life just a short year later. During that year she said they prayed. They spent precious time together, they laughed, and they prayed.

She spoke of the dark and rainy skies that all of us experience in our lives. she said "One must be washed off thoroughly before they can return to the presence of God. We need the dark and rainy skies to wash us clean." I loved that. What a truth!

She said she has a little note on her computer, a sticky note, that says "Keep it small, keep it simple, and give it time"Another treasure to live by.

She spoke of heartfelt prayers, and taught that Faith, coupled with pure charity makes a difference.

She reminded us to attend the temple often, and to humbly pray there.

In her final remarks she spoke of the Tender Mercies of God and that through them He teaches that "I am here, I approve of what you are doing. Everything will work out for your good. Trust Me."

The Day I Played Slave Driver

Yesterday before conference I asked the kids to give me 20 minutes of their time to help tidy up the house before we watched the first session. I didn't want to have to look at the clutter while trying to feel the spirit of the meeting.

In true Ryan-like fashion, Ryan began to stall. "Twenty minutes, that's all I want," I said. He continued to do a small task and then get sidetracked on a story, or the art of just standing there watching me. I finally said "Ryan, you can get out of cleaning better than anyone I know." To which he responded "I'm not as good as Tom Sawyer. He convinced people to do things for him."

Like Father...

He gets his style from his dad. He couldn't figure out why I wanted to take a picture of him. Uhhh, check out the feet. It's all in the feet.

Woman of Many Faces

Seriously, Can't get much cuter than this.

April Fool's

Ryan and Sydney LOVE April Fool's Day. They both went to bed last night thinking of all of the things they could do to each other this morning.

I went to the church at 6 to exercise and Ryan called at 7 sharp. He said he switched the cereal. Funny as Brett did that to him last year. Sydney didn't fall for it. She's smarter than he gives her credit for.

I thought it would be fun to have dinner tonight with a special menu. On the docket:



Oinkers wearing pants (Pork Chops)

Pill Bugs (Twice Baked Potatoes)

a Basket of Grandma's Breakfast (Salad) - If would have been thinking I would have named that "On Second Thought Make My Potatoes a Salad. I wasn't thinking quick enough though.
and Peas and Carrots for dessert.


I think they enjoyed dinner. Ryan was afraid that I had done something bad to the meal and he was hesitant to come.

A Special Thanks to "Emperor's New Groove" (A favorite movie) and Our Best Bites for the inspiration.

Arrow of Light

Ryan got his Arrow of Light award on the 23rd. We are so proud of him. It was a lot of work.

March 15

Took a 20 mile bike ride today. Man it feels good to be on my bike. I didn't think I was going to be able to ride because Sydney has been feeling under the weather lately, but she went to school at 10:30, so I had the rest of the day to ride. I hope that one day my fluttery heart will calm itself when seeing cars come on to side roads. I have a huge fear of being hit again.

We were asked to speak in church on Sunday. Uggh! I hate speaking in church. It's not the speaking that I hate really, it's the fact that I can't control my tears. I get up there and I am touched by the information and I cry through it. I can't get my thoughts together either. Double Uggh!

Brett is at a meeting with the Young Women leaders. They are planning a Youth Fundraiser. I think the youth should be planning it, but they didn't ask me :).

11 weeks until the Little Red Riding Hood Ride. Can. Not. Wait.

Life is good.

March 8

- Finally got caught up on laundry - I hate laundry

- Took Brett to the Dr and then took the kids to the grocery store.

- Sydney was happy for 20 days and earned a prize. She picked her very own white board. Hopefully that will save the white board that I bought for scouts.

- Watched Open Season 3 with Sydney, and then the end of Biggest Loser. I love that show.

Life's experiences that change you

On Tuesday we took the scouts to the UT County Jail. It was a humbling experience for me to say the least.

As we entered the jail, we were asked by the tour guide, a man in our ward - Brother Lomax, if Mormons could go to jail. One of the boys said "Absolutely NOT." Brother Lomax smiled and said "There are 800 inmates in this jail. 80% of them are Mormon." That was a shocking statistic for the boys.

Many years ago, I wrongly judged a mother whose son was in and out of juvenile detention because of drugs. I had heard things from her brother about how this boy was allowed to dress a certain way and therefore it put him in situations that allowed his drug experimentation. My judgments were harsh and it is embarrassing to me now.

We were able to see the  inmates who were in heightened security. Some of them were in there for murder. They were in tiny cells and the only thing they could do was pace back and forth. They could see our silhouettes and some of them started yelling. We could not hear them, but we knew they were talking to us.

We were taken to the chapel and there we were taught. An inmate came in and spoke to the boys and told them how he came to become an inmate. He was raised in a strong LDS home. He was a strong member of his faith up until college. He went to college on a basketball scholarship. While there he hooked up with bad crowd of friends and started experimenting with tobacco. This led to alcohol consumption and eventually drug use. He was kicked out of college and went into rehab. After rehab, he went through the repentance process. He transferred to BYU, and then was married in the temple. Nine years into his marriage, he fell into a deep depression and returned to his substance abuse. He is now divorced. He has three children - 11, 6, and 2. It is heartbreaking, and he knows it.

I learned that no family is immune to the temptations that hit us so hard. Sometimes it is substance abuse that gets us. Sometimes our trials come in other forms. Sometimes we fall into these temptations, and it lands us in jail. Sometimes we fight these demons alone, and sometimes we fall into temptation and our family is faced with the borderline of loving the sinner, but not the sin itself.

We have been taught by apostles of our Savior that our world is worse than that of the days of Sodom and Gomorrah. That is scary to me.However, we are also taught that we have a loving Heavenly Father. He did not send us to earth to be alone. It may be hard sometimes, but we are not alone. I know that to be true.

We are given these life experiences so that they can change us.

Angels in the Outfield

It is said that angels frequent the halls of a children's hospital. I was administered by them. Ryan was administered by them.

10 years ago I distinctly remember asking the nurses of the Children's Hospital Los Angeles how long it would take for Ryan to heal. The answer was "a long time". My first thought - 10 years. Of course, it didn't take 10 years to heal my son, but here we are 10 years later and I can hardly believe that we are that far out.

A baby died last month of SCID. The death triggered some emotions that I haven't felt in a long time in regards to SCID. The disease is curable. The problem is that very few states even test for it until it is too late.

This month Ryan is learning about genetics in school. I asked his teacher if she would like me to come and share our story with her class. She agreed and so I went and taught Ryan's 5th grade class about SCID. I showed pictures and answered questions and tried not to get choked up.

 

I looked through more pictures when I got home and realized that my faith is stronger because of Ryan's life. I know that angels carried me as did the healing power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. After all, if you build your faith, they will come.

February 25

This morning we woke up to about 8 inches of snow. The ground was beautiful. Sometimes it is hard to go back to snow when we have been enjoying spring-like weather. I must say though, it is beautiful, and for the past few years, I haven't gotten tired of it.

I'm still feeling under the weather. I spent the morning loading the dishwasher. I didn't do that yesterday as I laid in bed all day. I hate it when I do that as it makes it much worse the day after. After I got the dishwasher loaded, I blended some apples and put them in the dehydrator to make apple fruit roll-ups.

Once I finished my project, it was off to bed for me. I can't stay up for too long without feeling like complete dirt. I read more of President Monson's biography, and then I slept off and on for a while.

At 11:30 I got up and fixed me a bowl of soup, then it was back in bed for me. Even the soup didn't help me feel any better.

I got to talk to my dad today. I love it when he calls me. We talked about his mission, and his new calling as the ward mission leader. I love my dad. He is a wonderful man.

I need to take more pictures of my family and what is going on around me. It is another thing that I have put on my list of things to improve.

Looky There

So much for my every day posts. I'm not in the habit. Bare with me.

Last night was our Blue and Gold Banquet. It was our last B&G as a family. Ryan will move on to Boy Scouts this year. I can hardly believe it. I am proud of Ryan he is a good boy.

I made a campfire cake for our cake contest. We won Judge's favorite. That's the 2nd year we have won. I think it turned out well, and I'm glad I'm done making these too. Last year we did Burger's and Fries. This year it was much less involved, but took an extra cake mix because the first one broke.

I went to bed last night feeling like a cold might be coming on and sure enough. I woke up this morning not feeling well. I have been in bed all day. Hopefully this is a fast moving cold and I can be back to normal in no time.

The Road to Hell

One of my mom's favorite sayings (at least it seemed like a favorite to me) was "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."

I had such good intentions for Valentine's Day. Pink waffles, with a heart cut out of the middle. Valentine's at the school for the kids -- Visiting both classes for class parties.

Then the day arrived, and NONE of that happened. I woke up to Ryan needing a pair of underwear. Unlucky for him, they were still in the washer - wet. I knew I had a pair in the van so I went to get them and I didn't have a set a keys. A short note to Brett, and the realization that HE had my keys and figured I would have an extra key in the junk drawer. A half hour later, and  a small prayer, I found the spare key - not in the junk drawer. By now, there wasn't time to make the pink waffles with the heart cut out. Regular waffles had to do.

I spent the morning cleaning the house and then at 11:30 I got a phone call from the school. Ryan had an accident on the bus and he needed an extra set of clothing. I got them together and headed to the school. Poor kid. The mess was big enough that he needed an extra shirt too. I came home and picked up the extra shirt, then I headed to the store to pick up the treats I needed to donate for Ryan's class. I'm not generally a last minute person. I don't like the stress of last minute, but I didn't want to buy treats that went stale, so I waited until the day of. Throw all of the rest of the events of the day into the mix, and there wasn't time to get Valentines to take to the kids for their classroom. Donuts and conversation hearts had to do.

So, as I look around at all of the fun traditions that others have, I feel bad that my kids missed out this year. Maybe next year...

He Named Him Shaun

Some time during the end of December / beginning of January, our family was introduced to the marvelous world of Psych, a clever, clean, funny, psychic detective show that airs on a channel that we do not have. Lucky for us, we have Netflix. We are almost caught up on all 5 seasons.

Many gigs of bandwidth later, we are now saying things to each other like "Brett, don't be this crevice in my arm."

and

"Mom, don't be an old sponge with a hair hanging off of it."

I've even got clever and started my own sayings like - "Brett, don't be a dehydrated mushroom." (I dehydrated mushrooms yesterday.)  I'm so awesome!

Anyway, we laugh a lot with the one-liners that are on this show. Before Ryan went to bed the other night he told me that Shaun's (the main character in the show) mom calls him Goose. I call Ryan Goose. I have since he was a baby.

Ryan now thinks he is cool.

Because Shaun is cool.

Today, before school, Ryan wanted to play on the computer. He had finished getting ready so I let him. I overheard him talking to the computer "Oh, hi little buddy. Are you hungry? Did you miss me?" He has a new virtual pet. It is a mouse. A mouse that is going to stay on the computer screen. (phew!)

He named him Shaun.

She Ran Away

I've known for a long time that my daughter is a LOT like me. Today she proved it even more so.  After dinner we were cleaning up and she got mad because I had told her that she could play today and then it just didn't work out. She left the room and I told her that she needed to come in and help clean up the kitchen. She went back into the kitchen and Brett told her to sit down at the table to drink her milk. Of course she took her sweet little time (totally something I would have done). I gave her 'the look' and she started crying "Dad told me to drink my milk, and you told me to clean the kitchen -- I can't do two things at once!!"

Ahh...another thing I would have said.

I made her even more mad because I started laughing.

She stormed down the stairs and packed a bag.

A few minutes later she was going to run away to the park.

Brett made sure she had shoes on (she was going to leave barefooted - snow on the ground and everything). He also made sure she had a coat.

We told her we loved her and we watched out the window as she walked away.

Brett stared worrying that she wouldn't run away to the park, or that she wouldn't come home if she did so I went to look after her. She was walking by the fence and when she saw the car she put her little blanket in front of her face so that I couldn't 'see' her.

I laughed.

I passed a neighbor and a second later I had a text telling me that she had just passed Sydney and she was crying. She thought that maybe I was driving away and I hadn't seen her. I told her the situation.

I came home and Syd was back on the porch crying. She stood outside on the porch for a good 1/2 hour. I asked her to come in several times but she wouldn't. Finally she decided that she would like to have warm hands so she came in.

She ignored me for almost 2 hours. It's ok. That's what I do to people when I get mad too. I just need my time to get over it.

Sydney is definitely made out of my mold. She needs time when she is mad, she is overly sensitive, and she ran away. I ran away when I was her age too.

I didn't make it very far...

February 5

- Syd woke up with a migraine and low grade fever - Day at home for her
- Finished watching Care Bears with Sydney
- Took a little nap with Sydney
- Watched Toy Story 3 (Thanks Aunt Lori)
- Took Brett to get a hair cut and sampled some amazing shrimp fried rice...mmm
- Played School with Syd - she's feeling a little bit better
- Hanging out for the rest of the day.

- Great way to end the week. Happy Friday

February 1

Wow - February already! As Ryan would say (when he was about 5) - what in the heck? That is now the new catch phrase. It embarrasses him, but it is funny. Everything was what in the heck.

I welcome February. Today it is freezing - or rather below freezing with the highs in the 20's. Ryan isn't feeling well so he has take up camp in my bedroom. Poor little guy.

I used to hate February. February meant Valentine's Day. I hate that holiday. Well, I used to hate it. Now, I have decided that I will make it special for my kids. My mom always made it special for me, and I love that. I've decided to pass that on.

So, welcome February. Here's to taking more pictures of the ones that I love, and loving life a little bit more.

What The Future Holds

The other night an old acquaintance from High School posted a link to a comedy blurb on FaceBook. The blurb was from a person with a name that I recognized. I clicked the link and tried to see if I did in fact know the comedian. I turned it off after the first couple of sentences because of the foul language. I wasn't sure if was the same guy or not, and I wasn't going to listen to the filth to find out. Many people 'liked' the segment and raved about it. Many of these people have all been through the temple, and have made the same covenants that I have made. I'll never know if it was actually funny because I'm not going to try to sort through the beginning to see if there is anything of merit in the end.

Yesterday I was checking status updates on FaceBook and I saw this same comedian name pop up on a mutual friend's wall. I clicked to see if it was in fact the same guy that I knew, and it was.

I'm not going to lie, my disappointment was immediate.

I knew this gentleman. He was the class clown. He was a few years older than me, but he was always doing something funny. Assemblies at the school were fun because of him. He was a great guy. He had high standards, and everyone wanted to be around him.

I wondered about where and when he took the path that he took to get him to 'there' or rather 'here'. Was it the divorce of his parents? He seemed to fare well during school. Can he not be funny anymore without being filthy?

I can only imagine how heartbroken his mother is.

Of course, then I contemplated what the future holds for my own children. I desire with all my heart that they will choose a good path. I try so hard to recognize their individuality. I try to teach them. I hope to protect them, but also allow them to make the mistakes that they need to make so that they can learn. I see so much of me in Sydney. I fear for her at times. I know what I did in life to be accepted. I'm not proud of some of those things, and I don't want her to experience the same pain. She is kind. So far she sticks up for the things she knows to be right. I pray she continues to do so.

Ryan is a good boy too. He is kind. He is at a stage of life right now where he wants to fit in. He was telling us about a kid at school and showing some of the things that he was doing. He laughed, and then he watched to see if I approved. I didn't, but because I didn't, he felt that he was wrong for laughing and he told us that he didn't really like what the kid was doing. I felt bad that I had swayed him. Nothing that this kid was doing was bad. I just thought that he was  being an idiot. However, to Ryan, it was funny. We had the discussion that it was more important for him to tell us that - yes, he did like what the kid was doing, rather than telling us no. I'd rather that he feel like he can be honest.

With the world the way it is today, I don't know what the future holds. I just hope that I can help my kids through it all, whatever 'it all' is.

January 28

- Took Brett to the Dr. He is improving. The pain is lessening and the Dr said that all is well. Will see us in a month.

- Cleaned the kitchen and picked up around the house.

- Puttered around on the piano. I hope that one day I can sit down and just play.

- Realizing even more - I'm not a night person. I'm not a morning person. I am a "I need a lot of uninterrupted sleep person."

January 26th

- Got a nap today. I even got to snuggle up to my hubby. He's still feeling crappy.

- Put dinner in the crock pot. Not sure why I don't do that more often. Fix it and forget it is awesome.

- Ryan got his Webelos tonight at Pack Meeting. I am so proud of him, He has worked really hard. The Webelos were in charge of the flag ceremony. They did amazing. One of the best flag ceremonies we've ever had at a pack meeting. Thanks Woodbadge training.

- Sydney was much happier today, although I can't go a day without making her mad. I'm not sure how to remedy that. She always thinks that I am on her case, but really I'm just trying to converse with her. I hope to have this down in the next 6 years.

- January 24th - 25th

A friend has a wonderful blog that I love to visit. Each day she highlights some of the things that happened in her day. What a great idea! I'm going to steal that idea (not every day of course - I'm not that amazing). I will record things here, and then on a more personal level, I'll take my thoughts to my personal journal.

January 24th - what a day! I kept thinking about the date all day. I couldn't put my finger on why I thought the date had some sort of significance. Here are the main points of the day

- 8:30 am - receive a phone call from a neighbor asking if I can take her to the Dr. I agree and tell her I need the appt to be after 11am as I have appointments at 10:00 and 10:30 for visiting teaching.

- 9:00 am - receive another phone call from same neighbor telling me that she made an appointment at 10:45 am. Hmm - Now, to help, I have to reschedule visiting teaching. Fun.

10:20 am - Arrive at neighbor's house. She tells me that someone else offered to take her to the Dr and she declines because this other someone 'is always on the go'. Hmm. Maybe so, but I did just have to rearrange my day. Ahh - blessings right?

12:30 pm - Return home from Doctor's office, and other errands that needed to be run by neighbor.

1:30 pm - 3 mile run. - Why is it so hard? Running is NOT hard. Today, it was though. I keep reminding myself that at least I am out there.

2:20 pm - chat with Brett. He needs me to come and get him. I shower and hop in the car and drive to Provo to pick him up.

4:30 pm - take Brett to Dr.

5:15 pm - Take Brett to hospital

10:00 pm - Take Brett home from hospital, after emergency surgery. Details will not be disclosed here.

11:30 pm - Make sure kids are tucked in bed nicely after grandma and grandpa so graciously bring them home so late at night. Realize what the 24th is. 14th anniversary of Brett's proposal to me.

12:30 am - Set the alarm to wake Brett up at 3:30am to take pain pills.

4:00 am - Make sure co-workers in the UK are aware that Brett cannot work for a few days.

5:00 am - Try to get some sleep, but the alarm goes off because I didn't know it was set. Ahh, what the heck, what is sleep?

7:15 am - Did I actually get to sleep? Time to wake the kids...or never mind, time to let them sleep.

Sydney got to stay home today. I went visiting teaching, Sydney babysat Dad. I fixed dinner and I hope to have this house in order in the morning.

Good Night.

Judge Not

The past couple of weeks have been hard for me. Last week Brett had a meeting with the Young Men and their parents re: scout camp. I wasn't in there. I was helping the boys pick up the trash out of the women's rest rooms. As Brett came down the hall I overheard him talking to the bishop. Apparently, a mother didn't like what camp was going to cost, and she didn't like that the dates that the boys were going were the same dates that the girls were going. Instead of taking her concerns outside in private, she attacked him in front of the youth and their parents. That's not ok with me. For one, I'm glad I wasn't in there as I have a hard time zipping my lips. For two, my husband takes vacation time to spend a week with these boys, as do the other Young Men leaders. It is not our decision to spend an enormous amount of $$ on camps. It's what it costs. Plain and simple. I hate that this behavior went on in front of the youth. What the...??? Since when do adults think it is ok to act like teenagers? To top it all off - THIS WOMAN IS A CAMP DIRECTOR!!! She knows what it takes to pull this stuff off.

After church we received a phone call from a parent supporting Brett. We were grateful for the support. We have since received text messages of support. I am glad to know that we have more support than not.

Today another instance happened where Brett was called under the carpet in front of a group of youth. He backed himself and SURPRISE this leader was in the wrong. I guess I'd like to just throw a little message out there.

Dear parents and leaders of youth,

Judge not, lest you should be judged. Put your money where your mouth is. If you don't like something, bring it up in private, or become a part of the scout committees in our ward and do something about it. Don't undermine the very leaders that sacrifice their time away from their families for your son. We are all entitled to inspiration regarding our callings. I'd like to think that 99% of the time we follow that inspiration. Maybe before you seek to pass a wrongful judgment, you can pray for your own guidance to know that what these leaders are doing is right.

Sincerely,

Me.

Whew - now that I have that off my chest....I think I'll finally try going to sleep.

Darn Those Sunday Naps

This year we have church from 1-4pm. I've never been a fan of the later time schedule, but I have to admit, I have really enjoyed spending time with the kids before we go to church.

I was released as Primary president at the end of November, and it has taken some getting used to - being home, being able to get the kids ready without a real time crunching schedule. I used to have to get the kids up at 8 and get Sydney's hair done. Then off to meetings at 8:30 am. Home at 10:30 am to pick them up to head back for our block meetings.

Now we sleep in. We play card games. We read. We prepare for dinner after church.We eat breakfast together. We eat lunch together. It seems surreal. I had the above mentioned schedule for 2 1/2 years. It has been a nice break.

Tonight we watched America's Funniest Videos and I fell asleep. Nice warm bed. Nice warm blankets. Drifty of to sleepy. Now here it is almost 11:30 and I can't sleep. Darn those Sunday naps.

My Soul Delighteth in Fatness

I am not one to make New Year's Resolutions. I seem to daily resolve to do better tomorrow.

At the beginning of this month I made a goal to read the Book of Mormon by Brett's birthday (February 11th). To do this, I need to read 17 pages per day. Breaking it out like this has helped me, but I am a little behind today so I will be spending much of my time catching up after the weekend with the kids home.

I feel like I am constantly worrying about the shape of my body. Any extra ounce of flesh hanging or otherwise etches itself into my body image. I can see it. I wish I could see what others see as I am told often that I am 'tiny'. I think my definition of 'tiny' is different than others I guess.

Anyway, I have tried not to ask for special blessings as I read the Book of Mormon this time around. I want to read because I need to read. Although, I guess I'd like to just have a more of a constant companion of peace. Peace with myself. Peace with all that goes on around me.

As I was reading the other day, I was going over my constant need to feel thin in the back of my mind and I came across this scripture in 2nd Nephi. Jacob is speaking to his people and he says:

50 Come, my brethren, every one that ^athirsteth, come ye to the ^bwaters; and he that hath no ^cmoney, come buy and eat; yea, come buy wine and milk without money and without price.

 51Wherefore, do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your ^alabor for that which cannot ^bsatisfy. Hearken diligently unto me, and remember the words which I have spoken; and come unto the Holy One of Israel, and ^cfeast upon that which perisheth not, neither can be corrupted, and let your soul delight in fatness.

Can you believe it? Let your soul delight in fatness!

Now, if prayers can be answered, they were answered. Of course that does not change my desire to become better every day, but I think I can somewhat give myself a break...maybe.

Vacation Day Conversation

Ryan and Syd were out of school on Friday. We laid in bed in the morning and watched HS Musical 3. Then we went to Springville to order some pictures. After we placed our order, we went to a couple of grocery stores. On the way home from one of them Ryan asked me if I had gotten into college. Towards the end of last year I did all that I needed to do to take some classes so I can finally finish my degree. Well, after much anxiety, and a lot of praying, I decided that I needed to put of taking classes for a little longer. I spoke with Sydney about it, but I guess I never told Ryan why I wasn't going. The conversation went something like this:

Ryan: "Mom, did you get in to college?"
Sydney: "Mom isn't going to go to college right now."
Ryan: "Oh, why?"
Sydney: "Because of us. She wouldn't be home for us, and Dad...."
Ryan: "...oh yeah, Dad wouldn't want to fix dinner every night. We would have the same things every other night. Cream cheese chicken, macaroni and cheese, cream cheese chicken, macaroni and cheese..."
Sydney: "...and eggs. Dad can make eggs."
Ryan: "Eggs for dinner?"
Sydney: "Oh, and Dad can make French toast. We could add French toast."
Ryan: "Gross, French toast for dinner."
Sydney: "We've had French toast for dinner before."
Ryan: "No, we've had other breakfast for dinner, but not French toast."

Me: "Sounds like you guys like me home to fix dinner."

Ryan/Sydney: "Yeah"

1/11/11

Today is 1/11/11. Look at all of those ONES! Ryan reminded me that it will be even better in November when it is 11/11/11.

But alas, it is not November.

It is January.

Thankfully it is not November. I'm not ready for that yet.

If it was November, my baby would be 8 years old. EIGHT!

So, since it is January, I'm going to make today special, for the ones in my life. I'll post edit tonight when I've figured it all out.

*Post Edit*

Well, my day didn't turn out like I had intended. I spent the entire day away from the house. So, I made chicken parmesan for dinner, along with whole wheat breadsticks (I won't do that again - the breadsticks part - at least not with that recipe). Dinner was good. The breadsticks were not.

For the past couple of days we have been science projecting. I told Ryan that cooking was often like a science project, at least for me. I try things and most of the time they are delicious, some of the time they are not. Luckily for me, my family still eats what I cook, even if it tastes like cardboard.

A Day Out With Mom

After our 'free' piano class, Ryan and I went to Hobby Lobby to pick up a kit for a science fair project. We are going to experiment on which produce works better to operate a light bulb - a potato, a lemon, orange? Ryan was SO excited to get the kit. He wanted to go home RIGHT then and put it together...well, right then after we went and played a couple of games of laser tag.

Ryan had begged me to go since we were already 1/2 way there. I didn't tell him that we were going, but proceeded to head North to Lehi and he figured it out.

We played two games of Laser tag. I kept getting hit by 'Godzilla' in one of the games. It was actually irritating me and I finally realized that a woman was following me no matter where I went, and as soon as my gun was reactivated, she would nail me. I finally inched my way around a corner and kept her in my sight through a window. Take that Godzilla! Needless to say, I came in ahead of her :).

After our two games of laser tag, Ryan climbed the rock wall. He said he wanted to get over his fear of heights. Good for him. I hate rock climbing, and heights.

The first pass up the wall didn't last long. He made the mistake of looking down about two steps up. He decided that he would go one more time and he made it nearly to the top before he decided that it was time to come down. Poor little guy could barely make it down the wall as he weighs so little.

After our fun at Trafalga - Lehi, we went to Cafe Rio and shared a Tostada. Then we were off to get him some new Sunday shoes, and then we went home.

It was a great day out.

Free is Relative

On Saturday, Ryan and I went to the Piano Gallery in Orem for a 'free' piano class. We purchased a digital piano for the family for Christmas, and with it we were told that we could come to a piano class for free. We were promised that we would be able to learn to play the piano in just 3 easy lessons.

Ryan has wanted to play the piano SO bad, so I thought it would be fun to take him to the class and see if we could get a good start anyway. Of course I don't believe that you can actually play as well as is promised in just three lessons, but it was worth the day out I thought.

We arrived in Orem just before 9am. We took our seats in the classroom and waited for our instruction. People continued to trickle in, and then the announcement was made like this "Well, we tout this class as free, but you need to buy the  book and it is $18.11 with the government's share." Now, I don't mind paying for a book that should help me, and hopefully my family play the piano (of course we will need lessons as well), but I did mind that we were 'sold' on a 'free' class that wasn't really 'free'. On top of that, this guy is a relative to Brett's family. I guess I expected a bit more. Oh well, we purchased the book and will report back as to whether or not it was all worth it.

Going Private

I never thought I'd say this, but I think it is time for me to make my blog private. If you want to still have access to my whit, send me an e-mail - deniberger (at) gmail (dot) com or comment on this post and I'll add you.

Everyday Miracles

Miracles are happening every day!

Today I was put in contact with a man, 28 years old, who was born with the same disease that my son was born with. He is married, has a child, and is soon to be working on his PHD! He had chemotherapy as part of one of his three transplants.

There is HOPE for my son!

January 3

Ryan was in charge of a 'family fun' night so that he could pass off a requirement for his Webelos badge. One of his favorite things to do is to go to Trafalga. We often tell him no because we don't like to go to Lehi all the time. Brett needed to take the Camry in to the shop to see why it wasn't driving properly.

We decided to surprise the kids and let Ryan use his family fun night at Trafalga. I picked the kids up after school and we met Brett in Lehi. We dropped the car off and then we took the kids to eat at Texas Roadhouse, one of their favorite places to eat.

After Texas Roadhouse we went to Trafalga and we played a couple of games of Laser Tag. All in all, it was a fun day.

January 2

A new year always bring fun at church. The kids get new teachers, we move to a new time, etc, etc.

Ryan and Sydney are both in Senior Primary now. Sydney was SO excited to be in Senior Primary. I was called to sit in Sharing time with the Valiant 10 kids. My class was amazing. There were a few chatty kids in front of us, and behind us, but hopefully in time we will be able to help with the reverence.

I especially loved that we didn't have meetings after church.

January 1

Last night we let the kids stay up until 10pm to watch the New York City ball drop on the news. It was shown so quickly that we all missed it. Ryan did us a favor though and went downstairs and picked up a ball and dropped it on the floor for us. Sydney didn't get it at first, but then thought her brother was lame.

At any rate, we put them to bed and told each other  Happy New Year and we were off to bed ourselves.

Today we got a new heater for our house. It is more efficient, and really makes the house more comfortable. I was grateful for the man who installed it for us. He was here longer than 12 hours and it was a long day to have him here on a holiday.

We had planned to go on a date, but didn't want to leave our neighbor here putting the heater in alone. We took the kids to grandma and grandpa's and I picked up Subway on the way home. Brett and I shared a sub and then we played a couple of hands of cards while we waited for the last final touches to be finished on the heater.

It was nice to have a quiet house and to just spend some time with Brett.

Do you Believe in Magic?

We enjoyed our usual Christmas dinner at Brett's parents tonight. The kids have been SO excited that Christmas Eve has finally arrived.

After dinner/lunch, we came home and we waited for Brett to arrive. We took two separate cars as we had gifts stored at his parent's home.

Once Brett arrived we enjoyed the Nativity read by the kids, along with the Christmas songs that go with it. We started this tradition when the kids were tiny. It has been fun to watch over the years as they have looked forward to this special story. This year we had heard this story twice. At the beginning of the month I split the scripture verses up and we read a verse or two each night. I enjoyed how it really brought the spirit of the season into our home.

After opening our pj's and reading the nativity, and our traditional book from Grandma and Grandpa Berger, we were off to bed.

Ryan was so excited that Santa was coming! I was encompassed in his belief in the magic.

Santa to me is magical. I love that through his magic, we can help those around us. Not everyone is willing to open their lives to just anyone, but I don't know too many people who don't allow Santa in. It is through Santa that we can, if we choose, celebrate the birth of our Savior by loving, giving, and serving as Christ would. Christmas does not have to be about all of the commercialism that some associate with Santa.

I love that my children Believe. It's what makes Christmas.

Deck the Halls

Today we were listening to the radio. "Deck the Halls" was playing on the radio. Ryan came in singing "Deck the halls with bowels of holly"

I smiled and explained to him that it wasn't 'bowels' of holly. It was boughs of holly. We had a good laugh.

I'll Put that Box in a Box

One of our favorite movies in this household is The Emperor's New Groove. We are always quoting it and laughing.

Well, it is Christmas time and we live in a household that loves to wrap gifts in unique ways. Sydney wrapped her gift in a Sunkist Oranges Box so that Ryan wouldn't know what it was. Ryan clued it to it and said "I bet that Sydney wrapped my present in a box, and she put that box in another box, and on Christmas day, I'm going to have to smash that box with a hammer to open my present."

Funny if you've seen the movie.