For years I have pieced together pieces of my life. My biological father stepped out of my life very early in my life. I was blessed by an amazing father to step in and allow me to etch myself into his heart. I will forever be grateful to Keith Bigler for allowing me to be 'his' daughter. It takes a lot for a person to do what my dad did for me. I love him for it.
Throughout my life I've learned about pieces of my family that were not a part of my growing up. Four years ago I attended the funeral of my biological paternal grandmother. It was a wonderful experience for me and I began the process of healing a few pieces of my heart. During the summer of that same year, we traveled to TX and spent some time with that side of the family. Even though I was grateful for the connection, I still knew that there were more people that I needed to find.
I don't know how old I was when I learned that I had two brothers. I've known for a very long time. I payed a service to find them and it came up with a dead end. All of the phone numbers that were listed were all disconnected. I was frustrated, and I had a fear that even if I did find them, they wouldn't want to be a part of my life. I worried that their mom would still want to protect them from the knowledge that my sister and I existed.
Fast forward to February. I had just finished watching the TV Series "Who Do You Think You Are?". The story portrayed there peaked my curiosity. I wondered if I would be able to find them on Facebook, a social media site. I remembered one brother's name, but I didn't remember the other's. I typed in the name and there were several entries there with that name. I then tried 'googling' that name and I found the information I had forgotten. I went back to Facebook and looked up a different name and there they were right on my computer screen. I decided to e-mail my Uncle and Aunt in TX and let them know that I thought I had found them. I was scared, nervous, anxious, you name it - that was me. I decided that I would send a message to both of the boys and hope that one of them responded. I went to church and when I returned, I had a message from one brother and we made the connection. We were in fact siblings.
Over the course of the next few months we sent messages back and forth answering each other's questions. I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know each brother, both of them being so different, yet so wonderful.
On Sydney's birthday we were spending some time with some friends. My friend told me that she was thinking about making a quick trip to California to go through the temple with her sister-in-law who was going through for the first time. I told her that maybe I could go with her and we could meet my brothers for the first time. When I returned home, I saw that one brother was going to be out of town for the weekend and I didn't want to meet one without meeting the other, so I told the friend that I would not be able to go. She was bummed.
Two days later, she sent me a txt message and told me that she could really use a buddy to go to CA. I then started talking to Brett and trying to make the decision as to whether or not I should go. I sent a message to both brothers and asked them if they would be in town. They both responded and they were both available around the time that I was going to be in town.
So, on Tuesday July 26, 2011 I hopped into the car and drove to CA. We left around noon and we arrived at our destination just after 8pm local time. I walked into the restaurant that we were meeting one brother. He turned and saw me and walked over and gave me a big hug. I could not believe the love that I felt for him immediately. The feelings are some that I have never experienced before.
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| Day One - After 26 years we meet. |
We talked, we barely ate, we laughed, we hugged again, and we arranged to see each other again over the course of the next 24 hours.
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| Lunch |
On Wednesday I met my second brother. We met for lunch and I immediately felt comfortable in his arms. We talked of the past and tried to put the pieces of our lives together. The couple of hours that I got to spend with them at lunch was not enough. We planned to have breakfast on Thursday morning. Thursday morning arrived and we met for smoothies/coffee at Starbucks. I was able to meet their mother and I felt so accepted. It was a wonderful meeting.
Saying goodbye was agonizing. I had waited my whole life to meet my brothers and now I was having to walk away and go home. I knew I needed to be home for my family, but it was a horrible feeling to have to walk away.
As we drove away I knew that I was leaving a piece of my heart in California.
