A Lifetime

Today was one of the most influential days of my life. Over the past few weeks I have spent some time at a good friend's home. Her husband has suffered from severe depression and I had a deep respect for him, and her so I took some time to visit often. Well, this past Tuesday, September 11, 2007 her husband took his life. His funeral services were today and I must say I don't suppose I have ever been to a funeral that got me thinking as much as this one. Keven's family spoke about his life. I think the best part about it was that they all shared spiritual insight along with words of wisdom that we all can benefit from. My heart hurts that he took his life, but I know that God is merciful and he will ultimately heal us all. As his wife said at his funeral "I am going to do better." Well, so am I. If anyone is Christlike, it is Annette Holm, and if she is going to do better, so am I!

You Go West

This past week Brett spent several days at youth conference with the young men and women of our ward. I was a little anxious to be alone at first, but the kids were great. They both said some things that I think are worth noting so I don't forget someday.

Thursday night I made chicken and rice for dinner. I haven't really made that for them, maybe once in Ryan's lifetime, but surely not enough to know whether it is a yes, I like it or no, I don't. Well, we were sitting at dinner and Ryan wasn't eating. At first he didn't want to eat his corn on the cob because he said it would break his tooth so I cut it off the cob for him. After a few minutes of him sitting there he said "Mom, I can't eat this food. It tastes so unfamiliar to me." I had a good laugh and told him he could either eat the food or go hungry. He chose to go hungry. As I was putting him to bed that night he said "Ahh, I wonder what's for breakfast." I kind of felt bad that he was hungry, but had to follow through so he would know to eat his dinner. At 6:10am the next morning he came in to my room and said "Mom, I thought I heard the sound of cereal bowls on the bar." Poor kid really was pretty hungry.

Sydney also said something funny while Brett was gone. I was cleaning the kitchen and she was telling me about a friend that she met at the park. She said - "Mom, that girl at the park lives a mile away. We need to get in the car and then go west and find her house." I got a good chuckle out of that too as I'm sure a 3 1/2 year old has no idea where west is.

Slug Bug

The other day Sydney and I were playing the game 'Slug Bug' in the car. It is a game that you yell 'Slug Bug' every time you see a Volkswagen Beetle and then the color of the car. Then you add up your points (1 for every bug) and see who wins by the end of the trip. Well, we had been driving for quite some time and she didn't see a Slug Bug so she said - "Mom, let's play 'Slug Bug - Jeep'. When I see a Black Jeep I yell Slug Bug Jeep." I smiled and let her play Slug Bug - Jeep. A few days later I was riding my bike in Salem, UT getting ready for the Salem Triathlon and Sydney was riding along in our bike trailer. I was concentrating and all of a sudden I hear "SLUG BUG - JEEP!" I looked over and sure enough there it was a Slug Bug Jeep. Now we play Slug Bug with many types of cars. It has been a fun game to play with the kids in the car.

Laffy Taffy

Today we were getting ready for church Ryan brought in a Laffy Taffy and said - Hey Mom, we could make these - the ingredients are right here on the wrapper. I smiled and explained to him that we didn't have the recipe and that even though the ingredients were on the wrapper, we wouldn't know how much of each one to put in so we wouldn't be able to do it.

A while later I heard Sydney crying and I went in to see what was going on. Ryan didn't want Sydney to have his last Laffy Taffy and of course she was throwing a fit. I asked Ryan why he wouldn't let her have it since he had already had one this morning. He said "Well, I want to call and get the recipe." I said - how are you going to do that? He said, "Well, there is a phone number on the package that says to call if you have questions and I want to call and ask them for the recipe because that is a question." I smiled and just let him know that the phone number was for complaints, etc - Funny the things they think about

Closing the Gap

For those of you who know me, you know that my mom was divorced when I was young. Her x-husband (my biological father) was never a part of our lives. When Brett and I had been married about a year we got a surprise visit from my mom. She came to UT to tell us that Mike (the father) had taken his life. During that time I called his family and spoke to them, but that was about as far as it went.

Well, this year our family is having a reunion in Texas and it just so happens that Mike's family lives there. I contacted my grandmother (Grandma Nelda) and told her we would like to meet her. We scheduled July 1st to meet her and the family. Last week, Tuesday night, my Grandma Bowers called me and asked me if I had heard from Texas. I said, no but if you're asking that then there must be something wrong. She said, "well Nelda went to the doctor last week and found out she had cancer". I said, "OK, well then I will give her a call". She said "Well, she died last night." I was a little shocked. I was on the other line with my sister Lori so I let her know. After a few phone calls and finding out when the services were, I called Brett. He said I should go if we could make it work. So, instead of swimming like I should have, I went straight home. Brett was working on getting the best flight for me. After a few phone calls and a gracious uncle, we booked a flight to Texas.

I arrived in Texas at 1:30 pm Texas time. I got my luggage and then went and got my rental car. I took a wrong road, but didn't go far as I didn't want to get lost. I called Aunt Denise and she helped me get to the road I needed to and I was on my way to Gilmer. The drive was absolutely beautiful. I told Brett I want to move to Texas. It is so amazingly beautiful there. I arrived in Gilmer at about 5:30 or so, maybe a little earlier. I went to Uncle Larry's and Aunt Denise's house. We visited for a few minutes and then we went to the funeral home. I was a little nervous because I didn't know what to expect. I was afraid they wouldn't want to meet me, but I knew I needed to be there. When I walked in with Aunt Denise Mike's cousin Ricky noticed me right off. He gave me a hug and then the introductions began. It was a very tender moment for me. I shed a few tears and then payed my respects to Grandma Nelda. She looked beautiful. I stayed at the funeral home with the family until Denise and Larry came back at about 8:30. I felt like I took a little bit of the attention away from Nelda as so many people were surprised that I had come. It had been 28 years since they had seen me. Much has happened in 28 years.

Thursday afternoon we went to the funeral. It was just a small graveside service. It was very different than one that we would have in our religion, but we paid our respects. I took pictures of some headstones and then laid a rose on Grandma Nelda's casket.

We left the cemetery and I took Aunt Denise home. I changed my clothes and went to Grandma's house. Jeanette and her husband were there along with Scott, my cousin and Robin, a nephew of Nelda's. I visited just for a small time and left as I was starving.

This trip was a blessing to me. I was able to visit Grandpa Bowers' grave and take some pictures of the house I remember visiting most with Grandma and Grandpa. I have such a history in East Texas. I miss being there already, but I know that my place is here. There is just a lot of love there.

I can't believe it has been so long since I have blogged. I thought it was just a couple of weeks ago, but no - it was months. Oh well, isn't it about time? This past week has been pretty crappy and because it has been crappy I have made some pretty darned good excuses for not exercising. Ah what the heck, why not just stay in bed? One of my goals is to be stronger on my bike this triathlon season. I am scared to death to start over and I just want to be able to do a tri again without pain. I'm afraid that I won't make it. I feel alone. I need a good support group, but I don't know where to look. Every month we pay for a gym membership and darn it, I am wasting it. I think I'll go and then I make excuses not to. So here I go publicly making a goal to spend more time in the gym. I pledge to go to the gym 3 times a week. At least then I won't feel so guilty about letting the money just slip away.

U Turn

Well, today I make a U-turn. I had a pretty lax weekend. While I didn't eat more than I should've other than the 4 chocolate chip cookies I had yesterday (and I went to Red Lobster on Friday with Brett), I didn't exercise. So, I'll do that today and hopefully get back on track. I have been reading fitness articles from Prevention Magazine that I get through my e-mail and I think I would love to be a person that helps others lose weight. We have a young woman in our youth group that is overweight and oh how I would love to help her lose it all. I don't know how to go about doing that though. I have read so many books on weight loss and being healthy that I just feel a need to help those around me. There is a lady in our ward that just moved in that I adore. She is a good 150 lbs overweight. I often wonder how she would feel if we exercised together and lost it all. Again, I don't know how to go about changing her life. Granted, I could use a little bit of changing myself, but I am not obese. I just don't want to get that way and I have a genuine interest in helping those around me.

Yesterday we had a long presidency meeting that was much needed. I think we were able to get out in the open all that is going on around us and hopefully stop the gossip. We have years ahead of us in this calling so I hope we are able to come together and to bless the lives of the young women.

Day Three

Well, today is day three of what I hope will be a lifestyle change. I just finished reading "YOU: On a Diet" and I have to say I enjoyed the read. It is a book about the science of the human body along with ways to make changes in eating habits etc. I told Brett on Tuesday that it was time that I make a lifestyle change and do it for good. I figured I would start by giving myself 90 days. So far I have eaten properly and walked for 30 minutes each day. I plan to start swimming, etc next week when Brett isn't in training from 7am - 6pm, but for now I appreciate the treadmill that I have downstairs. The kids play Nintendo and I walk. It works out great. If there is anyone out there reading this, keep checking back. I intend to update my progress here.

Little Mommy

Today I decided that I needed to get on top of the house cleaning. I've let it go for a few weeks now so I tackled the laundry and the bathrooms, etc. Sydney was here with me and she was quiet for quite a while. I would periodically call her name and she would come out and assure me that she was doing just fine. After about 3 times of calling her, I decided I would go and see what she was doing. To my surprise she was underneath the table in the computer room with her baby underneath her shirt "feeding" it. I smiled and asked her where she learned that. She said her dad taught her. So, of course I called Brett and told him what she said. His reply, "I don't know how I feel about her telling you that." Of course that was after a BIG - I DID NOT! Anyway, Syd is learning the joys of motherhood somewhere. I can clearly recall doing the exact same thing myself when I was just older than her. I don't recall my dad teaching me though.

To Swim, To Swim

Last night I decided that I was going to go to the gym this morning and swim. I got all of my stuff ready and set outside my door so I could get up and it would all be ready for me. I set my alarm on my watch and was ready to go. I have no idea what time I fell asleep, but at a few minutes before 11pm I woke up and thought I'd just lay in bed a few more minutes, then I'd go to the gym. I looked down at my watch and to my surprise it was 10:59pm. Uggghhh! Well, not too long after that Sydney came in the room and pushed me over in bed. Then a few minutes later Ryan was up saying he was too cold, so Brett took him and helped him get warm and back to bed. Well, with Sydney kicking me most of the night and playing with my hair the other part of the night, I didn't get much sleep and I slept through my alarm on my watch. I guess that's not a good way to wake up as I've turned it off twice now and not realized it, and there isn't a snooze button, so it just goes off.

It was -6 this morning when Brett went to work, so I'm sure it was super cold during the night. I'll try again to swim tomorrow and hopefully the kids will sleep tonight.

New Year, New Resolution

At the beginning of the year I read an article in Parade Magazine by Ellen Degeneres that I think I will adopt for myself. She suggested that when we make our New Year's Resolutions we say things like "I will put off exercising" and then voile, a day into the new year we are keeping our Resolutions. So, here I am on day 13 of the New Year and I have 2 days of exercise under my belt. Ahh, it feels so good - Yeah Right. I think that getting my knees scoped was a big eye opener for me. It's all quiet depressing, but as with a heart patient, or someone who is obese, I must change my lifestyle. I guess I've always thought of change being for other people, and that change in my lifestyle didn't really matter because after all, I don't have a heart condition, I'm not obese, and I don't need to be totally drastic to save my own life. But, here I am at age 29 and my knees are that of an old geezer's and I have to change my lifestyle. If someone would have told me 2 1/2 years ago that I would be changing the way I exercise I would've told them they were crazy. Running, I thought, was for everyone, and it definitely was for me. I thought people who said their knees hurt and they couldn't run were just being lazy, and of course they could find a way to run. Well, now here I am with bad knees and I've been told that I can run, just in the pool, or on the elliptical, if that's called running. Then of course, I can make my way to the road for my triathlons,(1,2,3 days a year) but I must bring my carcass back into the gym to the pool and the elliptical when I am done. Man, this is HARD. You would think they told me I was going to die next week, because that's sure what it feels like.

So, for a New Year, and a New Resolution, I must change my lifestyle. The Physical Therapist told me I need to lose weight. Of course, I knew that, but to hear it from someone in a field of medicine sure puts you in your place. I got so used to eating whatever I wanted whenever I wanted because I was burning it all off that I sit here now with an extra 15-20lbs to lose. All of this stemming from my knees, the beautiful round part of your leg that has a cap and a little bit of cartilage that helps to move us around this beautiful world.

Six months from now, you'll be reading how lame I was back in January to think that I couldn't exercise, because with my lifestyle change, I will feel the benefits of my knees.

What about the house

Well, I learned a good lesson today. Our house looks like a tornado came through and Sydney had been following me all morning - "Play puzzles, Play puzzles", which is what she does every day. I played puzzles once, then I went on to do laundry. I was putting a load of laundry in the washer and she said "Hold me mama". I said "Sydney, what about the house?" She said - "The house can't hold me." So, of course I picked her up and held her. I guess she really knows what to say. I also guess it is time for me to prioritize a little bit better.

My turn to blog

Well, I thought since Brett has been doing this for a year and so many people are interested in reading it, maybe it is time for me to finally start my blog. I'm not as clever as Brett in my title, but since he took the words of a song, I thought I'd just finish out what three and a half minutes felt like.

Our lives have been really busy around here. I thought that once school started we'd be able to slow down a bit. That hasn't been the case though. Just as school started I was called to work as the Secretary in the Young Women's program at church. Since Brett is in the same position with the Young Men, we keep really busy. Ryan is in 1st grade now and since he is at school all day Sydney is very bored and wants to be entertained all day. We play puzzles a LOT.

Yesterday we had a little Halloween party with some friends from the neighborhood. It was a mini carnival and the kids had a great time. Sydney was really worried that people would laugh at her costume. I was a little bit sad that at age 3 she would be worried about something like that. Once we got to the party though and people told her how cute she was she calmed down quite a bit. I think she actually relaxed enough to enjoy the day.

Today Ryan is out of school so we'll clean the house this morning and then maybe go and find something fun to do for the day.