Every year I vow to be a better triathlete by the following year, and every year I fail. I make excuses why I'm not exercising, and training for such events. This year was my year. Both of my kids are in school full time, and I can finally take all the time in the world to take time for ME.
HA!
Surprise!!
I am now 8 weeks out from my accident. For kicks I pulled up the pictures of my legs.
and my bike
I guess really it isn't for kicks. It's yet another step in the healing process.
My life has changed for a time. It is difficult to see past the bruises that still lace both of my legs. It is difficult to know that I cannot run for many months ahead, if I will be able to run again at all.
For a long time I have based my health on whether or not I could run. I realize there are other forms of exercise, but they are just not the same. There's something about being able to say you're a runner.
The other day Sydney brought up a memory of taking our friend Tami to see the Ragnar hill. I choked back the tears. I don't know if I'll ever be able to run that hill again. It's irrational.
I feel like I have LOST a part of myself. It is hiding in the weeks and months of healing ahead.
and then...
Just when I feel like things can't possibly get worse, the peace that I felt the day of my accident creeps upon me and I remember that there surely were angels there watching over me, and I realize that I am healing.
You are a testimony to me that Miracles are occuring daily in our lives. I believe you will run again, it just might not be on your time schedule but I have no doubt that you will:) Hang in there and remember I love you and think you are AMAZING!!
ReplyDeleteBreaks my heart. I didn't realize you weren't going to be able to run again possibly. I don't know a whole lot about your situation but I have seen many good things happen in the most unlikely places. Something good will come out of this. I know it. Maybe you will discover swimming or something like that. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteKandra, I have bad knees, so the impact I took during this accident didn't make it any better. The doctors keep telling me LOW impact. My Dr said - you can run, but you will make things worse. So, I shouldn't say that I'll NEVER be able to run again, but I think for my overall health, it isn't wise, especially now.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing such raw, such real and such tender feelings! It is never a good thing when we base who we are on the things we do. We all do it though it seems :) I know this is something I am trying to overcome. It is so important to find out who WE ARE and not what we DO! I am so proud of you. You are such a fighter and you will get through this. During the last few months whenever I am feeling down I read nienie diaries. She is going through so much and is such an inspiration to all. I have realized that every one of us has trials to face and bare, They are our OWN just for us and they are there to help us grow...even when we don't want to! Keep your chin up and know that we are praying for your speedy recovery!
ReplyDeleteDeni~
ReplyDeleteDeni~
I can't imagine what you are going through right now. My heart goes out to your current struggles.
There was a point in my life (as you are well aware) that I have had my own struggles. The worst was when I was pregnant with Tildy. Due to Brent's health issues I would wake up every morning wondering if he would no longer be with me. My body could not handle the stress of the continuous bad news and being pregnant at the same time, so it would shut down over the weekends (because we got our bad news on Friday) and I would not be able to move. Every weekend both of us were stuck in bed, hoping good news was around the corner.
While I cannot say I am glad that I went through this time in my life...without it I wouldn't fully realize all of the many blessings I now have in my life.
It is sometimes hard to have an eternal perspective on difficulties, but Heavenly Father has a way for us not to forget.
Thank you for being such a wonderful friend to Brent and myself...if there is anything I can do for you..please let me know. Even if it is just to talk via phone on a particularly hard day.
Love you so much!
Kerstin
:)