Riding Against the Wind

Several months ago Brett and I were approached by a man in our neighborhood regarding the Tour de Cure, a bike ride in which funds are raised to help aid in the research of Diabetes. His request was that we donate $5 to his cause. Because we have such a personal connection to Diabetes, we declined his request to donate, and instead decided that we would form our own team and ride ourselves.

Beyond Expectations

In order to ride the Tour de Cure, one must pay a registration fee and then raise a minimum of $150. My goal was to do just that. I am not one to ask people for money and I thought that if I could just raise the minimum amount, I would feel good about riding. Well, to our surprise, our family and friends help us raise over a thousand dollars. I am stunned, and oh so grateful for the love and support of so many. People gave for Syd.

A Bad Omen

We arrived at our starting point just before the 7:30am start time. Because we had earned so much money, we were given a VIP parking pass. As we pulled in to the start area, we found that the parking lot closest to the VIP area was almost completely empty so we decided we would park there.

We got our bikes off of the car and Brett had the thought to go and ride his bike around a bit. He had been having trouble with is rear wheel and at the last minute ended up having to put the wheel from his old bike onto his new bike. On the stand everything worked fine, but he failed to actually put weight on it. Well, as he mounted his bike and began to ride he quickly realized that there was no way he would be able to ride his bike the way it was. The back tire wobbled. I thought for sure that meant that I was solo for the day. I have ridded 100 miles several times, and even ridden 100 miles solo, so I knew that I could ride this event alone too. It wasn't the ideal situation, but I knew I could do it.

I continued to get ready while Brett went to the service booth to have his tire looked at. The start time was nearing fast and I knew what I was facing so I finished my final preparations quickly. To my surprise Brett came riding around the corner and they had fixed his tire. We were both riding.

Self Portrait at Beginning of Ride

Against the wind

I had been warded about the wind during this ride. It was hard for me to understand that anything could be that bad. I've ridden my bike in lots of inclement weather, and I figured that nothing could be too bad. Silly me.

We started the ride with a large group. One thing that Brett and I have both learned is that if you can stay with a group, the amount of work that you have to do drastically diminishes. Everyone was going SO fast. I knew that there was no way that I could keep the cadence of the main peloton. I told Brett to go ahead and that I would just catch him at the rest stop. He didn't like that idea and sat up to ride with me. Shortly after our decision to drop back, a group of riders went down on the railroad track. I was SO glad I had slowed a bit. I've eaten the pavement at the beginning of a ride on a railroad track. I am so thankful I stayed back.

The first 25 miles proved to be through some of the most brutal cross-winds that I have ever encountered. It was all we could do to keep our bikes upright.

Little Worm

Brett and I took turns pulling on the front. We tried so hard to block the wind from each other so we could each catch a break. Sometime during the course a little worm, also known as a course marshal, attached himself to the back of us. I'm all for helping pull someone during a ride, but this guy was a jerk. I would pull for a while and then drop back for him to pull for a while and he would open the gap for me to slide in behind Brett as he didn't want to do any of the work. This went on for several miles. When he was rested he would take off and we couldn't hold his wheel. Then when he was tired, he would drop back and attach himself to our slipstream again. Such a jerk. Although, I am happy to report that somewhere between miles 35 and 50 we dropped him for good. I hope he suffered.

Drawing Parallels

The wind during our ride never really let up. If we weren't riding through crosswinds, we were riding through headwinds.  Brett struggled on the ride more than he has ever struggled on a bike. His legs cramped several times and he spent a good portion of our ride together behind me. At one point in the ride he told me to go ahead. I'm not as considerate as he is I guess as I climbed the hill and continued on. I kept looking back thinking that I could see his RadioShack and figuring that he would catch up at any time. Then, a man in a RadioShack jersey passed me. It wasn't Brett that I was seeing behind me.

With Brett behind me, I found myself digging deep and trying to compare the suffering on this ride to what my little Syd has to encounter every day. There isn't a second of the day that she doesn't have to think about being diabetic. There are times that she has to face it head on as is slaps her in the face. There are other times when it lets up just a bit only to be hit from the side by a crosswind.

Diabetes is hard. It has made her feel like she is not a normal person. My hear aches as she has opened up her heart to me and shared her feelings about her struggles with this new way of life.

A Long Day

The Tour de Cure was by far the longest I have ever been on a bike. We extended our riding time by almost an hour. By the time we finished for the day we were both beat. I've learned that it is easier to ride with a purpose than to just ride. This day we were riding for Syd, and with diabetes, there will be many days that we will be riding agains the wind.

Beyond the Words of Man

This past year we studied the Book of Mormon in church. I have read the book several times. I don't always study the way I need to, but I have read it several times nonetheless. As 2012 came to a close, I found myself looking back over the year and pondering the things that I have learned in my study. I came up with a few things.

First, my testimony of this book strengthened. One of my favorite books in the Book of Mormon is 2 Nephi -- Chapter 9 to be specific. This one simple chapter has comforted me in so many instances. The words spoken there have spoken to my heart. In the early days after my sister's death, I began to pray to know whether or not she had actually seen Christ. I began reading my scriptures and I happened to be in 2 Nephi. When I reached chapter 9, I could not contain my emotion. Nothing was making me sad, but I was spoken to beyond anything that I can ever deny. Tears flowed freely. The plan that God has for his children is remarkable. "For I know that ye have searched much, many of you, to know of things to come; wherefore I know that ye know that our flesh must waste away and die; nevertheless, in our bodies we shall see God."  Oh how glorious are those words to me.


Towards the end of this past year, a dear friend lost her mother to a vicious disease, ALS. I attended her funeral and sat pondering God's plan for each of us. While I do not understand why a mother would be taken from this earth so soon, I can only find hope in the words of the scriptures. 

In the Book of Mormon, an entire people traveled across the seas to a new land. They were inhabitants of the city that built the tower of Babel. The language had been confounded and there was confusion. They approached God in prayer, and asked Him to allow them to be able to communicate with their family. Their wish was granted. They were also led away from this land to a 'land of promise'. What is remarkable to me about this story is that they were instructed to build vessels that would transport them. The vessels were like a dish, having no windows. They needed light so they did not travel the seas in darkness. A key character in this story, the brother of Jared, gathered stones and took them to the Lord asking if he would please illuminate these stones so that they might have light. Again, because of his faith, his wish was granted.

Whether or not you believe this story could possibly be true, or even believe that there is any truth to the Book of Mormon, it speaks volumes about our relationship with God. We are not commanded to do anything beyond that which we are able. We are only asked to bring all that we have to God and ask Him in faith, knowing that he will grant us our righteous desires if it be His will. Just as the brother of Jared laid it all out on the table, we too must do the same. As we do so, we will not travel our stormy seas in darkness. We will be provided light.

The lessons to be learned in the Book of Mormon are beyond the words of Man.

Giving Thanks - Day 15

Today I am thankful for Brett. Actually, I am thankful for Brett everyday, but today I'm putting it in text.

Brett has seen things in me that I've never been able to see in myself. He loves me for me. Brett loves his children. It is a joy to watch him play with the children. He loves to tease them and they love to be teased.

Brett is a hard worker. He is always looking for new ways he can bless his family.

Brett is very giving. He does things for people silently. I love that.

Brett talks to me. Every. Day. I appreciate that. We don't keep secrets.

Brett loves to be close to me. I love that he will wrap his arms around me and hold me. There is not a safer place to be than wrapped in his arms.

I am thankful I have an eternal marriage with Brett. He is my best friend.

Giving Thanks - Day 13

Today I am thankful for Ryan. Ryan made me a mother for the first time. We have grown up together. Ryan has taught me that miracles do exist. He is a kind and loving young man. Ryan cares deeply for me and the rest of our family. I am grateful to Ryan for the man that he is becoming.

Giving Thanks - Day 14

Today I am thankful for Sydney. She has been given a hard card and she is a champ about it all. I am grateful to her for being so strong in her fight against Type 1 Diabetes. Sydney is a very tender young lady. She is thoughtful and kind, always looking out for others. Sydney is my hero.

Giving Thanks - Day 12

I am grateful for the opportunity I have had in my life to serve. There are so many people who have crossed my path and it has been my pleasure to serve them. I am a better person each and every time I can give of my time and substance to help others in need.

Giving Thanks - Day 11

Today I am thankful for my in-laws. I married into an amazing family. I am grateful to Brett's parents for how they raised him, and I am grateful to them for the examples that they are to me and my children.

Giving Thanks - Day 10

Today I am thankful for sleep. My body does  not do well when it doesn't get sleep. I am very blessed to get the rest that I need most of the time, and during those times that I don't get sleep, I am grateful even more for the times that I do.

Giving Thanks - Day 9

Today I am thankful for my siblings. I have had the opportunity to spend some time with my oldest sister. She is such a great example to me. She works so hard and is always doing for others.

My younger sisters are amazing mothers and they teach me so much.

I am also thankful for my brothers. Two of them came in to my life just once short year ago. I love them all.

Giving Thanks - Day 8

Today I am thankful for my computer. I love that I can reach out to the world from the privacy of my own home. I love that I can document my life, and research anything that I want to research just by the click of a button.

Giving Thanks - Day 7

Today I am thankful for my beautiful home. It is a place where I find refuge, and where my children feel safe. I am grateful to live where I live.

Giving Thanks - Day 6

Today I am thankful for the land of the FREE. What a blessing it is to be able to vote! I am grateful for the men and women in uniform who have fought for the freedoms that I enjoy. I am thankful for the early settlers of this great nation, for their courage to leave their lands of captivity so that they might worship how they may.

Giving Thanks - Day 5

Today I am thankful for the ability I have to allow my soul to commune with my Heavenly Father. It is a true gift to receive inspiration for my personal circumstances.

Giving Thanks - Day 4

Today I am thankful for my body. We haven't always been on speaking terms, my body and I. However, I am thankful for my health and my body's ability to heal.

Giving Thanks - Day 3

Today I am thankful for my dad. He came into my life when I was very young. He immediately was 'my' Daddy. He is a true disciple of Jesus Christ. He is a man of integrity. I love you Daddy.

Giving Thanks - Day 2

Today I am thankful for my mother. I have learned so many things from my mom. She is talented in every way. She has taught me the value of integrity. I love you mom.

Giving Thanks - Day 1

Last year I read along as friends listed daily the things they were thankful for. I thought to myself that I would do the same, but I put it off and put it off. While I know that November is not the only month that I can show gratitude, it is a good month to do so.

Today I am thankful for health insurance. We have been very blessed in our marriage with good health insurance. I don't know what the future holds as the industry changes with the laws that have recently been passed in our country, but for now I am grateful for what we have.

A Trip Home

This year we were able to go home for the kids' fall break. Since the death of my sister 5 years ago I have not been home for the anniversary. Each year I long to be home and this year we were able to visit. That being said, I don't know that I want to be there on 'that' day again. She is not there. I feel her closer in my own home than I do standing over her grave.

We were in a little piece of baby heaven while visiting home. One of the perks of being an older sister is that I get to enjoy the babies to my heart's content and then give them back to their moms when they are crabby.

We went down memory lane with my dad and helped get firewood. It was a joy for me to experience getting wood again. My dad took his truck through mountainous passes that no truck should ever tread, but that's what you do to get the 'right' wood.

I pictured myself in the back of my Grandpa Bigler's truck as he drove through mountainous passes that shouldn't be tread on and heard his voice yell out the window "DUCK" just in time to narrowly miss the trees that likely could have knocked us out of the truck.

I used the chain saw and realized that I have no business using a chain saw. I'll stick to the puzzle of trying to stack all of the wood in the truck so that we can maximize what we get, while still realizing I am not quite my mother's daughter. I'm sure she would have fit more in that truck.

We watched Azure's favorite movies, "Liar, Liar", and "Girls Just Want to Have Fun". I'm pretty sure Azure was apologizing from heaven for laughing so hard at those movies. I'm also pretty sure I've never seen my son blush so much, and laugh so hard at the naughty one-liners that Jim Carey says in "Liar, Liar".

We enjoyed cousin time and 'Favorite Auntie' time. It was a much needed trip home.

Recognizing Life's Miracles

This time of year brings a lot of talk about miracles. Church talks from the pulpit speak of pioneers of the LDS faithful crossing the plains into the Salt Lake Valley amidst persecution and hardship. No doubt these people had miracles daily. However, I doubt I could be one that could have endured child birth on the trail, frigid cold temperatures, lack of food, and sleep. These topics have given me the need for my own self reflection on the miracles I have witnessed and been a part of in my life.

An Eternal Marriage

I have been blessed with an eternal marriage made possible by binding covenants in a temple of God. This one simple ordinance is a miracle given to me by a loving Heavenly Father. I entered the temple 15 years ago with my best friend. Together we have built a relationship, not without its trials, but with strength and commitment to each other. I thank God for the miracle of my husband.


Blessed in this Union

In the union of my marriage I have been blessed with two beautiful children. They are both miracles.

Ryan
When Ryan was 4 months old, Brett and I both had to give a talk in church on the law of tithing. Since we had been married, we had always paid a 10% tithe. It was never a question. The money is set aside before any other bill is paid. It is still that way today. During that time we were in the midst of having Ryan diagnosed for the first time with Severe Combined Immunodeficiency Syndrome, SCID. Neither of us understood what path that diagnosis would take us down. We were young and brand-new parents.

I had been searching for a story that I could tell that would illustrate the blessings, perhaps miracles, that paying tithing would afford one who chose to follow that law. Just before sacrament meeting we were invited into the kitchen of the church building we were attending to have a prayer. During that prayer a most overwhelming feeling came over me. In an instant I knew of a story I could tell that would illustrate my point. As I stood before the congregation to teach about the law of tithing, I told the story of a young 4-month old boy who had just been diagnosed with having no immune system. That little boy was currently at home with his grandparents. His journey was just beginning and because his parents had paid their tithing, they were being blessed with a miracle. Their situation could have been, as the spirit witnessed to me, 'much worse'.

I didn't realize how 'much worse' things could have been with my son until months, perhaps years later.  I have a testimony of the law of the tithe. Because of it, the windows of heaven have been opened to my family and we have the miracle of our son.

Sydney

When Sydney was born, she had a broken mother. Looking back on the early months of her life are very painful for me. I was not the mother she needed. Through counseling and medication, I am now able to be the mother she needs and deserves. It is through miracles that I no longer need medication for which I am truly grateful.

Through the recent events in our lives, Syd and I have been able to discuss the miracles we were granted on her behalf. Two days ago Sydney was walking around with crutches. She loves the dang things and leaves them all over the house. She made the comment that she wished that she just had a broken leg instead of diabetes. I agreed. A broken leg would heal, diabetes does not. There is no cure. As I was apologizing to her for the lot that she has been given she said to me, "At least we found it before I got really sick." That is a miracle. There were 8 other patients on the floor with us at the hospital, all with Type 1 diabetes. We caught Syd's early. She recognizes the hand of God in her life. So while this disease has brought many emotions to all of us over the past three weeks, we have been granted yet more miracles.

Even More

I could likely continue to document many more miracles and make this a 10-page post, I will sum it all up with just one more. Five years ago I got a visit from my sister. I have told this story before, but it is near and dear to my heart. Brett and I had just competed in the Burley Spudman triathlon. We were on our way home when Azure and Brian called to tell us that they were coming to stay with us. When we arrived home they were here and Azure had done all of my laundry. One cannot possibly explain how much that one simple act means to me. I hate laundry. It is my most detested chore, and there she was with all of it done and folded.

Two and a half months later Azure was called home to live with our Heavenly Father. The day of her accident we were all praying for a miracle. Of course the miracle we were praying for was that she would live. We were not granted that particular miracle, but I would like to share some of the miracles we were granted during that time.

Azure's son was in the car with her. When found, the car was on its top and Eric had only received a small scratch. Having him a part of our lives still is a miracle. It is interesting to me that one can be so much like someone whom he is not around to pick up traits from. Eric is a miracle.

The night that we all saw Azure for the first time will never be forgotten. That night I realized that the plan of salvation was a tangible thing, no longer thought of as something that could possibly happen, but that was in fact real. Azure had gone home. Her mission on earth was through, and it was in and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ that we would all see her again one day. That knowledge that is now etched in my soul ad is in fact another miracle.

Miracles came daily in the small town of Heber, AZ. From men cleaning up a yard and filling it with firewood for the winter, to cans of formula being brought for the 5 1/2 month old baby who had just lost his mother, to never-ending meals for anyone and everyone who stopped by. All were miracles for our sweet little family. 

He is mindful

Our Heavenly Father knows us. He is mindful of our every need. He has blessed me throughout my life with miracles. I am grateful for the time I have to reflect on the blessings I receive in the form of everyday miracles.

What's On Your Menu?

July 1st was fast Sunday, a day set aside each month for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints to fast. Generally members go without food for two consecutive meals and then donate a portion of money to help the poor. It is a day that spiritual needs outweigh physical needs and souls are turned to God in prayer and fasting.

Our family prayed for rain for the wild fires we have been experiencing in Utah. I also had a secret prayer that I would finally be able to have the courage to make my health a priority in my life.

I spent the following week measuring my meals. I wanted to know what I was truly taking in. I wanted to be sure I could do it for myself as well as my family.

On Saturday the kids participated in the Tour de Donut in American Fork. I ate a donut and a half and it was terrible. I had been so careful all week and I realized what sugar did to me. I didn't feel well at all for the rest of the day.



Fast forward to Monday and I was running all day. Not running as in slip on the running shoes and head out the door, but running as in trip to the water park, Salt Lake City, orthodontist, and then pediatrician.

I had taken Syd to the pediatrician because she was having trouble at night time keeping her bed dry. I was washing sheets multiple times a week. On Sunday morning I found her in the bathroom sobbing because she had soiled two beds. My heart ached for her and I wanted to get some help for her. My worst fear was that she had been somehow abused and it was manifesting itself at night.

We made it to the Dr and Sydney gave a urine sample. After waiting in the room for about a half hour we met with our pediatrician and discussed what could be going on with Syd. We agreed that it was probably the change in sleeping patterns that she's had since school got out. The Dr requested a height on Syd so he called his assistant to take her and measure her height. As she left the room, Dr Bennett turned to me and said, "Deni, this isn't good. She has sugar in her urine, we will need blood work." I knew immediately what the diagnosis was, but I secretly hoped my intuition was wrong. Dead wrong.

Over the course of the next half hour, Syd's finger was poked and a diagnosis was confirmed. She has type one diabetes. We were instructed to go to the hospital as soon as we could get there. Do not eat the dinner that had been prepared, just leave and get there. Her blood sugar was so high it was off the charts. meters were not reading it and an actual blood draw was ordered. They want her blood levels to be in between 80 and 150. Her blood sugar was 680.

Syd is a champ

Our lives have changed in an instant. The days of eating whatever we want without answering to anyone or anything are over. Everything will have to be monitored. Because I don't believe it is fair for Syd to do this alone, we will all be making changes.

I am constantly amazed at how God works. I have no doubt that over the past couple of weeks I have been prepared to help Sydney succeed. We will be measuring our food and testing everything. Of course she can still have whatever food she wants, she just has to have insulin to replace what her body isn't making. We will do this together, and once again I will become an expert in the medical field. This time -- type one diabetes.

What's on your menu?