Giving Thanks - Day 14

Today I am thankful for Sydney. She has been given a hard card and she is a champ about it all. I am grateful to her for being so strong in her fight against Type 1 Diabetes. Sydney is a very tender young lady. She is thoughtful and kind, always looking out for others. Sydney is my hero.

Giving Thanks - Day 12

I am grateful for the opportunity I have had in my life to serve. There are so many people who have crossed my path and it has been my pleasure to serve them. I am a better person each and every time I can give of my time and substance to help others in need.

Giving Thanks - Day 11

Today I am thankful for my in-laws. I married into an amazing family. I am grateful to Brett's parents for how they raised him, and I am grateful to them for the examples that they are to me and my children.

Giving Thanks - Day 10

Today I am thankful for sleep. My body does  not do well when it doesn't get sleep. I am very blessed to get the rest that I need most of the time, and during those times that I don't get sleep, I am grateful even more for the times that I do.

Giving Thanks - Day 9

Today I am thankful for my siblings. I have had the opportunity to spend some time with my oldest sister. She is such a great example to me. She works so hard and is always doing for others.

My younger sisters are amazing mothers and they teach me so much.

I am also thankful for my brothers. Two of them came in to my life just once short year ago. I love them all.

Giving Thanks - Day 8

Today I am thankful for my computer. I love that I can reach out to the world from the privacy of my own home. I love that I can document my life, and research anything that I want to research just by the click of a button.

Giving Thanks - Day 7

Today I am thankful for my beautiful home. It is a place where I find refuge, and where my children feel safe. I am grateful to live where I live.

Giving Thanks - Day 6

Today I am thankful for the land of the FREE. What a blessing it is to be able to vote! I am grateful for the men and women in uniform who have fought for the freedoms that I enjoy. I am thankful for the early settlers of this great nation, for their courage to leave their lands of captivity so that they might worship how they may.

Giving Thanks - Day 5

Today I am thankful for the ability I have to allow my soul to commune with my Heavenly Father. It is a true gift to receive inspiration for my personal circumstances.

Giving Thanks - Day 4

Today I am thankful for my body. We haven't always been on speaking terms, my body and I. However, I am thankful for my health and my body's ability to heal.

Giving Thanks - Day 3

Today I am thankful for my dad. He came into my life when I was very young. He immediately was 'my' Daddy. He is a true disciple of Jesus Christ. He is a man of integrity. I love you Daddy.

Giving Thanks - Day 2

Today I am thankful for my mother. I have learned so many things from my mom. She is talented in every way. She has taught me the value of integrity. I love you mom.

Giving Thanks - Day 1

Last year I read along as friends listed daily the things they were thankful for. I thought to myself that I would do the same, but I put it off and put it off. While I know that November is not the only month that I can show gratitude, it is a good month to do so.

Today I am thankful for health insurance. We have been very blessed in our marriage with good health insurance. I don't know what the future holds as the industry changes with the laws that have recently been passed in our country, but for now I am grateful for what we have.

A Trip Home

This year we were able to go home for the kids' fall break. Since the death of my sister 5 years ago I have not been home for the anniversary. Each year I long to be home and this year we were able to visit. That being said, I don't know that I want to be there on 'that' day again. She is not there. I feel her closer in my own home than I do standing over her grave.

We were in a little piece of baby heaven while visiting home. One of the perks of being an older sister is that I get to enjoy the babies to my heart's content and then give them back to their moms when they are crabby.

We went down memory lane with my dad and helped get firewood. It was a joy for me to experience getting wood again. My dad took his truck through mountainous passes that no truck should ever tread, but that's what you do to get the 'right' wood.

I pictured myself in the back of my Grandpa Bigler's truck as he drove through mountainous passes that shouldn't be tread on and heard his voice yell out the window "DUCK" just in time to narrowly miss the trees that likely could have knocked us out of the truck.

I used the chain saw and realized that I have no business using a chain saw. I'll stick to the puzzle of trying to stack all of the wood in the truck so that we can maximize what we get, while still realizing I am not quite my mother's daughter. I'm sure she would have fit more in that truck.

We watched Azure's favorite movies, "Liar, Liar", and "Girls Just Want to Have Fun". I'm pretty sure Azure was apologizing from heaven for laughing so hard at those movies. I'm also pretty sure I've never seen my son blush so much, and laugh so hard at the naughty one-liners that Jim Carey says in "Liar, Liar".

We enjoyed cousin time and 'Favorite Auntie' time. It was a much needed trip home.

Recognizing Life's Miracles

This time of year brings a lot of talk about miracles. Church talks from the pulpit speak of pioneers of the LDS faithful crossing the plains into the Salt Lake Valley amidst persecution and hardship. No doubt these people had miracles daily. However, I doubt I could be one that could have endured child birth on the trail, frigid cold temperatures, lack of food, and sleep. These topics have given me the need for my own self reflection on the miracles I have witnessed and been a part of in my life.

An Eternal Marriage

I have been blessed with an eternal marriage made possible by binding covenants in a temple of God. This one simple ordinance is a miracle given to me by a loving Heavenly Father. I entered the temple 15 years ago with my best friend. Together we have built a relationship, not without its trials, but with strength and commitment to each other. I thank God for the miracle of my husband.


Blessed in this Union

In the union of my marriage I have been blessed with two beautiful children. They are both miracles.

Ryan
When Ryan was 4 months old, Brett and I both had to give a talk in church on the law of tithing. Since we had been married, we had always paid a 10% tithe. It was never a question. The money is set aside before any other bill is paid. It is still that way today. During that time we were in the midst of having Ryan diagnosed for the first time with Severe Combined Immunodeficiency Syndrome, SCID. Neither of us understood what path that diagnosis would take us down. We were young and brand-new parents.

I had been searching for a story that I could tell that would illustrate the blessings, perhaps miracles, that paying tithing would afford one who chose to follow that law. Just before sacrament meeting we were invited into the kitchen of the church building we were attending to have a prayer. During that prayer a most overwhelming feeling came over me. In an instant I knew of a story I could tell that would illustrate my point. As I stood before the congregation to teach about the law of tithing, I told the story of a young 4-month old boy who had just been diagnosed with having no immune system. That little boy was currently at home with his grandparents. His journey was just beginning and because his parents had paid their tithing, they were being blessed with a miracle. Their situation could have been, as the spirit witnessed to me, 'much worse'.

I didn't realize how 'much worse' things could have been with my son until months, perhaps years later.  I have a testimony of the law of the tithe. Because of it, the windows of heaven have been opened to my family and we have the miracle of our son.

Sydney

When Sydney was born, she had a broken mother. Looking back on the early months of her life are very painful for me. I was not the mother she needed. Through counseling and medication, I am now able to be the mother she needs and deserves. It is through miracles that I no longer need medication for which I am truly grateful.

Through the recent events in our lives, Syd and I have been able to discuss the miracles we were granted on her behalf. Two days ago Sydney was walking around with crutches. She loves the dang things and leaves them all over the house. She made the comment that she wished that she just had a broken leg instead of diabetes. I agreed. A broken leg would heal, diabetes does not. There is no cure. As I was apologizing to her for the lot that she has been given she said to me, "At least we found it before I got really sick." That is a miracle. There were 8 other patients on the floor with us at the hospital, all with Type 1 diabetes. We caught Syd's early. She recognizes the hand of God in her life. So while this disease has brought many emotions to all of us over the past three weeks, we have been granted yet more miracles.

Even More

I could likely continue to document many more miracles and make this a 10-page post, I will sum it all up with just one more. Five years ago I got a visit from my sister. I have told this story before, but it is near and dear to my heart. Brett and I had just competed in the Burley Spudman triathlon. We were on our way home when Azure and Brian called to tell us that they were coming to stay with us. When we arrived home they were here and Azure had done all of my laundry. One cannot possibly explain how much that one simple act means to me. I hate laundry. It is my most detested chore, and there she was with all of it done and folded.

Two and a half months later Azure was called home to live with our Heavenly Father. The day of her accident we were all praying for a miracle. Of course the miracle we were praying for was that she would live. We were not granted that particular miracle, but I would like to share some of the miracles we were granted during that time.

Azure's son was in the car with her. When found, the car was on its top and Eric had only received a small scratch. Having him a part of our lives still is a miracle. It is interesting to me that one can be so much like someone whom he is not around to pick up traits from. Eric is a miracle.

The night that we all saw Azure for the first time will never be forgotten. That night I realized that the plan of salvation was a tangible thing, no longer thought of as something that could possibly happen, but that was in fact real. Azure had gone home. Her mission on earth was through, and it was in and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ that we would all see her again one day. That knowledge that is now etched in my soul ad is in fact another miracle.

Miracles came daily in the small town of Heber, AZ. From men cleaning up a yard and filling it with firewood for the winter, to cans of formula being brought for the 5 1/2 month old baby who had just lost his mother, to never-ending meals for anyone and everyone who stopped by. All were miracles for our sweet little family. 

He is mindful

Our Heavenly Father knows us. He is mindful of our every need. He has blessed me throughout my life with miracles. I am grateful for the time I have to reflect on the blessings I receive in the form of everyday miracles.

What's On Your Menu?

July 1st was fast Sunday, a day set aside each month for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints to fast. Generally members go without food for two consecutive meals and then donate a portion of money to help the poor. It is a day that spiritual needs outweigh physical needs and souls are turned to God in prayer and fasting.

Our family prayed for rain for the wild fires we have been experiencing in Utah. I also had a secret prayer that I would finally be able to have the courage to make my health a priority in my life.

I spent the following week measuring my meals. I wanted to know what I was truly taking in. I wanted to be sure I could do it for myself as well as my family.

On Saturday the kids participated in the Tour de Donut in American Fork. I ate a donut and a half and it was terrible. I had been so careful all week and I realized what sugar did to me. I didn't feel well at all for the rest of the day.



Fast forward to Monday and I was running all day. Not running as in slip on the running shoes and head out the door, but running as in trip to the water park, Salt Lake City, orthodontist, and then pediatrician.

I had taken Syd to the pediatrician because she was having trouble at night time keeping her bed dry. I was washing sheets multiple times a week. On Sunday morning I found her in the bathroom sobbing because she had soiled two beds. My heart ached for her and I wanted to get some help for her. My worst fear was that she had been somehow abused and it was manifesting itself at night.

We made it to the Dr and Sydney gave a urine sample. After waiting in the room for about a half hour we met with our pediatrician and discussed what could be going on with Syd. We agreed that it was probably the change in sleeping patterns that she's had since school got out. The Dr requested a height on Syd so he called his assistant to take her and measure her height. As she left the room, Dr Bennett turned to me and said, "Deni, this isn't good. She has sugar in her urine, we will need blood work." I knew immediately what the diagnosis was, but I secretly hoped my intuition was wrong. Dead wrong.

Over the course of the next half hour, Syd's finger was poked and a diagnosis was confirmed. She has type one diabetes. We were instructed to go to the hospital as soon as we could get there. Do not eat the dinner that had been prepared, just leave and get there. Her blood sugar was so high it was off the charts. meters were not reading it and an actual blood draw was ordered. They want her blood levels to be in between 80 and 150. Her blood sugar was 680.

Syd is a champ

Our lives have changed in an instant. The days of eating whatever we want without answering to anyone or anything are over. Everything will have to be monitored. Because I don't believe it is fair for Syd to do this alone, we will all be making changes.

I am constantly amazed at how God works. I have no doubt that over the past couple of weeks I have been prepared to help Sydney succeed. We will be measuring our food and testing everything. Of course she can still have whatever food she wants, she just has to have insulin to replace what her body isn't making. We will do this together, and once again I will become an expert in the medical field. This time -- type one diabetes.

What's on your menu?

And the Heavens Opened

When we signed up for the 100 Miles of Nowhere, it was to ride for our dear friend Pip Taylor who at the time was battling Colon Cancer. The idea was to pay the fee, which ultimately will help many children whose parents have been affected by cancer, in Pip's honor. We discussed the possibility of routes and decided that this year we needed to ride close to home. We rode our bikes. Then we rode our bikes some more. We have both ridden 100 miles before. It has been a couple of years for Brett, but I have ridden that distance at least once a year for the past three years with several almost-as-long distances in between.

During one training ride for Brett we got word that Pip had lost her battle to the wretched cancer that plagued her. Brett rode 86 miles that day. It was the longest solo distance he had ever done and to make him even more of a rock star, he climbed almost 6,000 ft. My love for him increased tenfold. He rode for Pip.

On May 19th our focus changed. We would still ride, but we would now be riding in her memory. Riding in memory of someone somewhat sucks. Knowing that they have moved on from this life is touching, and painful on many levels. Although, it allows a great personal dialog for the 5-6 hours you are in the saddle. Quitting is not an option.

We adorned our bikes with Pip's name

The original 100MoN ride was on June 2nd. I had already signed up for an all-women ride on that day so we had to push our ride back a week. The beauty of this for us, or me rather, was that one week later was my sister's birthday. My sister is in heaven with Pip.

Friday June 8th was spent preparing for the day to come. We mapped the route so we would know about how many laps we would need to ride and Brett swept part of the course so we wouldn't eat the pavement on the gravel.

We set our alarms for 5:00am. We needed to start early because we had a wedding to attend at 3pm. We had to be finished in enough time to be home, showered, and on the road to the wedding. Brett was the pit crew. He got all of the bike stuff together and I got breakfast started along with getting our final snacks put in the cooler for our rest stops at the park near our home.

Brett stepped outside the door and to our amazement there was NO wind. We live in a windy city. We have wind from 10pm to 10am nearly every day. This type of wind is great if you need clear air, but not so great if you are going to be riding against it. We didn't want to waste any time getting on the road.

Ready to ride

Ready to ride too...

By 6am we were riding. We decided that we would ride what we could together and then Brett would pull ahead and I would do what I could on my own. We rode lap after lap after lap. I lost track of how many times Brett lapped me. One particular time I was riding along and he came up behind me and started singing at the top of his lungs. It scared the crap out of me and I may or may not have given him the bird. Needless to say the following times he lapped me, he softly said "Hello Love." Much better.

About 65 miles into our riding we stopped for a pit stop at our house that was about 1/8th of a mile away from our loop. We both knew that we couldn't stop for too long because the muscles in our legs would begin to tighten.

Our kids were great! They came to the park and made sure that we had full water bottles, sandwiches, and snacks. Ryan told us that he wanted our ride to be like the pros so we should just toss the water bottles and when we came back by he would have a full bottle for us. A friend and her kids cheered us on as well toward the end.

Brett finished his ride in 5 hrs 23 minutes. I finished in 5 hrs 57 minutes. I could not hold back the tears. I was overwhelmed with love and honor. We rode 100 miles for Pip on my sister's birthday, and that is when the heavens opened.

100 miles - FINISHED

The beauty of this ride is that you win your category no matter what because you make it up yourself. I won the "Fit-fat....I lost track...of how many times my husband lapped me - riding on the wings of Pip" division. Brett won the "I only hit the damn dang pot hole 6 times out of 46" division.

Why I ride

Recently I have been reading excerpts of people who ride their bikes and why they ride. The stories have inspired me to write a little blurb as to why I ride.

When I was in the 4th grade, we moved into our new house. It was an exciting time for me. I finally got my own room. No more sharing. The first Christmas in our new home is one of the very few Christmases that I actually remember as a child. Santa did not disappoint this young lady. There in front of my eyes was my very own bicycle, complete with front brakes, and no banana seat. I don't know how long I rode that bike. At the time, my classroom was in a trailer that was just south of the school playground. Surrounding the trailers were trees, if I remember correctly they were Aspen trees, or some of the like. I would ride my bike to school, infrequently I might add, and lock my bike to the tree. As beautiful as my bike was, I only remember riding it a handful of times. I was too lazy to do any more and my mom usually drove us the less than half mile to school. We were spoiled.

Fast forward to 1997, the year I got married, and I would have my first mountain bike -- a Gary Fisher that cost a whopping $500. I could probably count on my one hand how many times I actually rode my new bike. I was 19 years old, married, and still lazy. My husband would ride his bike to college and I would drive our car to work. After work I would lay on the couch and nap. For whatever reason I was no longer able to keep my eyes open.

We moved a couple of times during the time that my husband went to college. Each time we took our bikes with us, and they sat and collected dust. After we had two children, we purchased a bike trailer and I dusted off the old Gary Fisher and pulled my little kids around town. This too was done infrequently.

When my daughter was almost a year old and my post-pardom depression was finally being treated, I was invited to do a triathlon with my neighbor. At the time I was running with her and she thought it might be fun to try a swim/bike/run event. I agreed, that it did sound like fun, and I signed up with her. 

From January to June I taught myself how to swim, rode my bike infrequently...again...and continued to run 3 miles 3x a week. I remember the first time I decided that I was going to ride 12 miles. I had strapped my kids into the trailer and began my ride. About half way into my ride, it began to pour down rain. My babies were crying, I was miserable, and I called my husband to come and get us. He thought I was crazy to even attempt riding 12 whole miles.

One week before my first triathlon, I rode my mountain bike with my training partner and a few other people from the neighborhood. They all had road bikes and I didn't believe that my bike made me slower until that day. It was a miserable realization to me that no matter how hard I pedaled, I was not going to keep up with the roadies. The following week I borrowed a road bike from the local bike shop. Eight months later, I bought my first road bike - a Trek Pilot 2.1 WSD for $849. 

I began riding more often and even rode a century on that bike. On October 9, 2009 my Pilot was put to rest after being hit by a car. Bikes don't ride very well when the front tire meets the back tire.

I now own a Fezzari CR3 road bike. She is beautiful, and light. She rides smoothly and she takes me to far and away places. 

My bike allows me to leave my troubles on the road. From mini rides around the neighborhood with the kids, to 75-mile rides through beautiful canyons, my bike keeps me grounded.

This weekend I am riding 100 miles to help beat cancer. I am riding for Pip, who lost her battle with cancer just two short weeks ago. I am riding to make a difference in a life.

That is why I ride.

Life's Little Miracles

I am overwhelmed with gratitude today. My morning started at 5:13am. I was up numerous times before then, but I actually crawled out of bed at 5:13.

At 5:40am Ryan came upstairs. I finished getting ready for the day and we knelt down as a family to pray.  Ryan and I left the house at 5:50. We were supposed to be in Riverton at the Primary Children's Outpatient clinic at 6:50, registered and prepped for surgery.

Wrapped in a heated blanket playing video games

When Ryan was very little, I don't remember his age, maybe 4 years old, I noticed that his eye crossed. After numerous doctor visits, and to make a long story short, Ryan spent 6 years in glasses to correct his crossed eye.

Last September, Ryan's doctor felt that ti was time to remove him from his glasses -- that his eyes had corrected themselves.  He was thrilled. By Christmas, I noticed that his eyes were crossing again and I made an appointment with our eye Dr. By this time, we had received word that the Dr that we had seen for the past 6 years would be leaving UT and that a new Dr had taken his place.  She saw the crossing, and actually measured that it was actually crossing more than our previous Dr had seen. Ryan was put back in glasses and we made an appointment to be seen in 2 months.

At our two month appointment, we realized that the glasses were no longer correcting Ryan's crossed eye and we would need surgery to correct it.

Over the course of a few weeks, we have learned a lot about Ryan's eyes. I actually feel terrible about pieces of the story. For the sake of recording his life, I will list all of the details here.

- Ryan only uses one of his eyes to see. We are blessed that he still has 20/20 vision in his eyes. We have been told by the Dr that we are very lucky that Ryan still sees out of both of his eyes after all of these years. Most people who only use one eye to see, lose their sight at least somewhat in the eye that they do not use

Ryan has also struggled over the years being able to catch a ball. As I have learned what he actually sees - using only one eye - I have realized that this is likely part of his problem. Imagine having a ball come at you and only being able to see with one eye. No wonder he struggles...

- Ryan cannot see 3D images. A few years ago we took Ryan to see "G Force" at the theater. We viewed it in 3D and he complained about how he thought everything was blurry. I always thought that maybe it was because he wasn't wearing his glasses at the time. Now I know.

Immediately after surgery

Immediately after surgery - different angle

Ryan's surgery was uneventful. He kept me laughing when he finally came to, and I love him even more for his bravery. The first words out of Ryan's mouth when he realized that I was in the room were "Mom, I just want to see you, but my eyes hurt." I told him it was ok, that I would be right there and he said "I just want to see your face."

Ryan is one of Life's Little Miracles.

When Heaven and Earth Meet

As I sit here today, a dear friend and fellow mother just took her final breaths.

I have known that this day would come. Ms Pip suffered from the awful effects of cancer for a long time. I don't suppose it ever gets easier knowing that someone you love might soon pass beyond the veil. The unknown of time between now and when we see them again is an unbearable thought.

I find comfort in knowing that this life is not the end. When we pass through this mortal existence, our spirits live on.

I have prayed the my sweet sister could be there to greet Pip. I hope she was allowed that answer to my prayers. Today is a day when Heaven and Earth meet.